Footballer

Poorly educated loutish individual, who is often challenged by words containing over two syllables. This being, despite regular insults rarely takes a substantial blow to its self esteem due to its truly gargantuan ego, which shields it from the harsh reality of its own shortcomings. Unfortunately however, the aforementioned fails to cover so much as half of the individual's problems; you may at this point be thinking that a word such as "cunt" would fit the bill, however despite the fact that a footballer fulfills all aspects of this obscenity, the obscenity fails to encapsulate all aspects of the object it is intended to describe. Thus, to conclude I shall simply say that these dismal beings which burden society tend to have the charisma of John Prescott, the aesthetic merit of a frost-bitten genital and the compassion and respect for others of Chairman Mao, a definition which should help you to avoid them.

This word can rarely be used oratorically because the object at which it is aimed tends to be making a considerably louder, yet truly unfathomable noise, however if you are fortunate enough to be far from its immediate surrounding an example may be, "behold, this footballer has taken a fairly limp wristed impact on the shin, and yet he is now falling in a manner of sub-human dignity to the ground, many feet from the point of contact!"

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