junk shot

n. a punch in the nuts.

1. During exuberant play the toddler gave his dad an accidental junk shot he's staggering to recover from.

2. During exuberant drilling BP's negligent greed gave the planet a junk shot that it's staggering to recover from.

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Chinese Rerun

n. The result of combining all the containers of different leftovers from a big Chinese take-out order into one pan and re-heating.

Usually results in a very tasty but unidentifiable mystery dish.

Can also be applied to Thai food (i.e. Thai Rerun)

You: What's for dinner?
Me: Chinese Rerun
You: Mmmmmm!

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velocipedophile

a person who is sexually attracted to bicycles.

In July of 2013 the Swedish police were looking for a man who had been having sex with parked bicycles. This velocipedophile had been filmed in the act by the owner of one of the defiled bikes.

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decimal phone

n. a mobile phone without a full QWERTY keyboard.

Unlike a dumb phone, the decimal phone can have any number of advanced features but simply lacks the (crucial) above-mentioned I/O device.

Thomas: How come you never reply to my text messages?

Percy: I've still got a decimal phone and it sucks for texting!

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Nerd Yoga

n. The bizarre contortions that are performed by tech support people to get at hard-to-reach equipment. Often practitioners surprise observers because they appear otherwise incapable or averse to any physically strenuous activity.

User #1: Did you get your mouse working again?
User #2: Turns out it was just unplugged. The IT guy came up and did a little Nerd Yoga to get it back in.
User #1: That guy can really bend himself into weird shapes.
User #2 True dat.

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serious

Used to differentiate between the two most common reasons for visiting the loo. Allows for open discussion of bathroom activities in public or in mixed company.

n. a bowel movement

v. to defecate

Bill: I need to go to the bathroom before we leave.
Tina: Is it serious?
Bill: Yes!
Tina: Then we'll never get out of here!

-or-

Bill: I know you're still putting on your makeup in here but I gotta go serious!

-or

Bill (with newspaper tucked under arm): I'll be back in 20 minutes, I have to conduct some serious research.

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ILHAT

I Laughed Hard At That / This /Those

Thomas: Did you see that video with the dancing monkey?

Percy: ILHAT

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