coffee

sex in its liquid form

coffee is the greatest and most vital invention since the wheel

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scalper

In complete neutral, unbiased definition: A person who gains income and profit from buying tickets/admissions to popular events (e.g sports games, music concerts), and sells them again to the public at higher prices than they bought them.

In my defintion, and in the defintion of anyone who has ever had their potential ticket taken by a scalper, or has been forced to buy from a scalper: The absolute scum of the earth, worse than neo-nazis, telemarketers, and rapists combined. They lack the decency, intelligence and integrity to make an honest living, so they prey upon and exploit other peoples' love of music, sport and general interests.

Make sure you get your tickets before these cocksuckers do, and no matter how much it pains you to miss an event, NEVER buy from them - it is the only way to get rid of them - event organisers try to place measures to get rid of them, but they do very little. If nobody buys from a scalper, they make huge losses buying expensive tickets nobody used, and will be discouraged from doing it again. If you buy from a scalper, you're only supporting them and making the problem worse. Better yet, if you see one at a game/show/etc, punch them, spit on them, assault them, but watch out, ticket scalping organisations employ massive 300lb sellers for a reason.

1. Goddammit, I just wanted to have a great time at the music festival/sports game, but some fuckwit has tried to exploit this and sell me a scalped ticket. Fuck that

2. If nobody buys from scalpers, they will make huge losses, and be forced to go back to their original occupations as glory hole employees

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