Goldilocks Cock

A Penis that is generally said to be of perfect Length and Girth.

Janet: I slept with Ed last night...
Mandy: Really? How big was his junk?
Janet: Well, it wasn't too small and it wasn't too big...
Mandy: Oh, he's obviously got a Goldilocks Cock then.

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Daddy's croissant

When you're in a hotel in France and your dad's fucking your mouth harder than usual. Then, as he's about to blow his load, he squats over your face, blasts into your belly button while unloading the continental breakfast he ate 3 hours before into your swollen mouth and screams, "Sacré bleu".

At a hostel in Marseille:

Mom: Sweetie what are you having for breakfast?
Me: I might have a bit of daddy's croissant.
Dad: Ok sweetheart *unzips pants*