self-abuse log

Something to help you track the number of times you jerk off in a day. Great to compare with others and attempt to find out who's the biggest pervert.

I don't remember...I don't keep a self-abuse log!

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cockroach

Cockney rhyming slang for 'coach'.

Sidney: My brother-in-law, he is in the coach business. He lets it out for outings and old age pensioners. I drive for him in me spare time.

Ms. Courtney: Would you like to go and ring him Sidney?

Sidney: Oh don't worry, I'll pop around the corner; it's not very far. I'll be back in 10 minutes with a cockroach.

Mr. Brown: A what?

Sidney: With a coach!

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window cleaner

A noble profession... if your last profession was cleaning balls!

This bloke thinks I'm a bloody window cleaner!

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You Delicious Bastard

A colloquial term for a cigarette. Often used affectionately by addicted smokers.

"Cigarettes have finally killed me. Like they killed my father, my father's father, my mother's father, my mother and her father. I just can't seem to give the damn things up. I love them! Sweet...smoky...cigarettes.

*sigh* You Delicious Bastard!"

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lap dance

The ultimate nightmare of man. It's porn that can see you.

Stripper: Would you like a lap dance?

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