chode

A particularly short penis which is wider than it is long. Usually very difficult to handle, both in the metaphorical and literal sense. Named after a form of sausage which is pathetically small.

A: "Didn't you say you slept with Bob on Wednesday?"
B: "Yeah but it was shit,"
A: "Why's that?"
B: "Well, I went to give him a quick blowy, but I couldn't get my lips around his pancake chode. It was like trying to eat a cheese wheel vertically"

cream cheese

A thick, goopy, lumpy substance made when semen and hot water are combined. This mixture has the consistency of scrambled eggs and is extremely messy. It tends to get all up in your pubes and not come out for at least a day.

Ah fuck, I forgot to stay away from the water during my shower wank and now there's cream cheese everywhere