hunter jumper

The style of horseback riding where the rider is required to look as pretty as possible while riding a dead broke horse. To compete in the larger competitions a snobby attitude has to be developed. Most riders find that inserting a stick up their ass helps tremendously. The bigger the competition, the larger the stick that must be inserted up the arse.

Symptoms of a hunter jumper rider include: heels jammed down far enough that they are useless for any reason not cosmetic, a painfully arched back, a perpetual condescending scowl, and daddy over by the car acting as groom and dishing out money.

Symptoms of a hunter jumper horse include: a double bridle (heaven forbid the hunter jumper rider try to control a horse with a snaffle!), puny hindquarters and huge shoulders from hauling itself around on its forhand, and a dull expression from having to do the same thing again and again.

Please kill me if I ever decide to do hunter jumper.

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