jimi hendrix

HOLY CRAP! The man who defined modern guitar and killed the devil. Rumors have it that he played left handed but this is myth, Jimi Hendrix played the guitar with his mind. He was granted telepathic guitar god powers by Robert Johnson, the previous nigra messiah, who gave the white man's pool aids. Jimi Hendrix was a dirty hippie and in a feat of pure willpower smoked enough pot to kill himself in the late 1700s. But rumor has it that he escaped death and went to live on an island with Beethoven, Elvis, Tupac, Santa, and that annoying Urkel kid from Family Matters. He releases albums annually but people still think he's dead because all of Jimi Hendrix's fans are too high to even stand up. Some people who listen to progressive metal or Slash like to say that he had no talent and that they like better music, but this is a misnomer since progressive metal and Slash are not music but actually white noise generated when two gay males sodomise goats in gimp outfits.

Sacred prayer to Jimi Hendrix, the ultimate nigra:

Oh Jimi,
Please grant me guitar power,
So that I may slap a bitch,
For disrespecting my name,
My family,
My country,
My dog,
My shoes,
My guitar.
Grant me to the power,
To fly,
And shoot lasers from my hands,
Like Captain Planet, only not gay.

Amen.

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