drama moth

A person who is attracted to drama like a moth to a flame.

Jess: "Rob's brother's roommate's cousin won't stop posting about politics on his blog"
Becky: "Why don't you just stop reading his blog?"
Jess: "I know, but it's just not that easy."
Becky: "Yeah it is, you drama moth"

beardiculture

The art of beard grooming and maintenance.

I think your mangy-ass face would benefit from a little lesson in beardiculture.