Steel Reserve

Steel Reserve is a low-quality, low-prestige, low-dignity malt beverage. Purchasing Steel Reserve is often an act of desperation by would-be drinkers in times of economic hardship. Aside from drinking cleaning solvents, Steel Reserve is perhaps the cheapest possible way to exit this reality. Its combination of astonishingly low price and extraordinarily high alcohol content has made it popular among both bums and young people.

Once only available in the darkest corners of the hood, Steel Reserve can now be found in supermarkets, liquor stores, and lying sideways next to unconscious transients all across America. Although notably foul tasting, this is a drink that will take you where you want to go (quickly and cheaply). At $.99 a tallboy, I find it possible to get drunk on the amount of change found under the couch, without even having to look in my car’s ashtray.

The Steel Reserve logo is a stylized number 211, which aside from being an ancient symbol for steel, is also the penal code # for armed robbery. It’s likely that steel reserve has been the inspiration for many a convenience store jacking. Poor judgment and personal injury are notoriously correlated with the consumption of Steel Reserve. The drink’s harsh flavor effectively masks the high alcohol content, leaving the drinker confused as to how much he has actually consumed. Even experienced drinkers get into trouble when partying with the 2-1-1.

Dude1: “Man, you look like shit, what happened to your face?”
Dude2: “I hit up the Steel Reserve last night.”
Dude1: “ah” *nods in understanding* (as if no further explanation is needed)

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