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Getty Imagery

A disorder where a person believes that he or she is a person in a Getty Image.

Mike: Let's take a selfie together in our new car.
Jen: Why? That's just weird.
Mike: Come on... We're just like the people in the brochure!
Jen: I've been meaning to talk to you about this.
Mike: What baby? We have a trendy apartment, great fashion sense, and now a new car.
Jen: I'm worried that you suffer from Getty Imagery.
Mike: That stock photo thing?
Jen: Yes. Our apartment sucks, you look like shit most of the time, and we'll be paying for that car for 7 years.
Mike: Yeah but the photo is the only thing that matters. I can post it on all my social media accounts.
Jen: Hmm.

by geekmalone June 4, 2024


Zuckerberg Grant

Money given to county election boards by Mark Zuckerberg so he can control their elections.

Mike: Baby, we can finally buy that boat, and maybe even another car!
Jen: What have I told you about wasting our money on lotto tickets?
Mike: This isn't lotto. Down at the election board, we just received a $3M grant from The Center for Tech and Civic Life. Everybody is getting a big raise!

Jen: That's a Zuckerberg Grant...
Mike: The Twitter Guy? No this is a special organization for helping election boards. They provide free training and election administration.
Jen: Zuckerberg is the Facebook Guy. He's the money behind that organization. Aren't you suspicious about a billionaire buying his way into the election process?
Mike: Yeah maybe, but we're finally gonna get that boat we've wanted!
Jen: You wanted... That whole Zuckerberg Grant thing sounds totally fucking bogus to me.
Mike: Yeah but a new boat, Honey...

by geekmalone March 17, 2021


The High School Vanity Continuation Industry

The industry of service providers that allow adults to continue their vain high school lifestyles into adulthood.

Facebook and Twitter are two of the biggest companies in The High School Vanity Continuation Industry. Who would have ever thought that a billion people wanted to continue high school bullshit into adulthood?

by geekmalone May 5, 2020

1πŸ‘ 1πŸ‘Ž


Does anyone have any questions?

I am a soulless corporate fuckwad.

Whenever you hear "Does anyone have any questions?" after a long speech of zero value; you know you're dealing with a soulless corporate fuckwad.

by geekmalone November 6, 2020

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Suicide Bomber Journalism

Knowingly engaging in dishonest journalism with the belief that the effect of the dishonesty will outweigh the penalty from the dishonesty. Examples of Suicide Bomber Journalism include malicious editing of a piece and leaving material facts out of a piece.

Sixty Minutes engaged in Suicide Bomber Journalism in their interview of Governor Rick DeSantis. Their editing of the piece was quite malicious indeed. It's unlikely that their viewers will ever know or care.

by geekmalone April 8, 2021


gotcha gimme

When a company gives customers' personal information to the government.

Jen: What the fuck? Apparently Bank of America gave my credit card purchase records to the FBI last month!
Mike: BFD, it's just a gotcha gimme, you've got nothing to hide.
Jen: What? I feel violated. Can they really do that?
Mike: I know that AT&T gave Devin Nunes's phone records to Adam Schiff a year or so ago. Really fucked his shit up too.
Jen: It doesn't seem right that the companies can just give our personal information to the government.
Mike: You've got nothing to hide, so don't fret about it.
Jen: I don't like companies giving out my shit and I don't like the government digging through it!

by geekmalone February 5, 2021


politihate

To hate another person solely because that person has a different political perspective than you.

The fuckheads at Urban Dictionary deleted 45 of my definitions because I have a different political perspective than them. A clear case of politihate.

by geekmalone September 15, 2022