HELP ME!!!

OH SHIT SOMEBODY HELP MEE!!!! IM ACTUALLY BEEING EATEN BY BEARS RIGHT NOW!!! CALL DA POLICEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exhibit A: I have reason to believe that I am being eaten alive by a bear.

Exhibit B: That seem to be the case, Sir. Fancypants.

Exhibit A: Would you care to help a fellow camrade out?

Exhibit B: Sure thing, fam. *walks away*

Exhibit A: WTF R U DOING DUDE??? HELP ME!!!

Exhibit B: I have actually never really liked you, Sir. Fancypants. And to help you out were be to betray everything I stand for and believe in.

Exhibit A: what

Exhibit B: what

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Job

A job is somewhere you go everyday to get money. You probably hate it at first, but you'll get used to it. The only reason why you go there is so you can survive, which is stupid.

Mother: Get a job!

Father: Why won't you get a job!?

Every other person on the planet: Have you gotten a job yet????

Me: I've been working at my office for 30 years now. Wait, souldn't you be dead by now?

Everyone: Yes, we're dead, but you're schizophrenic and that's why only you can see and hear us.

Me: what

Everyone: what