Olaves

Students of St Olaves school in Orpington start out as tiny 4 foot geeks whose bags are bigger than they are, and often require the assistance of passers by to help them on their feet again if the bag becomes too heavy for upright use.

In Year 8 comes the gelling phase, where all boys must use hair product on every unsuspecting hair on their bodies which includes eyebrows, eyelashes and the 3 arm pit hairs they have acquired.

In Year 9 they become the oldest at the school discos, and finally come out of their shells by kissing girls, and even - dare i say it - hold hands in public.

By Year 10, they finally settle for their true status in the Olaves hierarchy by becoming the bullies, the nerds or the ones who try too hard.

Year 11 is a joyous time for Olavians as 0.3% lose their virginity, and the remaining 99.7% remain hopeful that the mixed sixth form will bring with it more opportunities.

oh my gosh, look at that bag, he MUST be an olaves.

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