Michael

AKA Mitchell. Bigger cheeks than Kim Kardashians arse. Stole all of Kylie's lip filler. The ashiest of knees. only two weaknesses, Pammie and moisturiser.

"I just slapped Michael"
"where?"
"His cheeks of course"

1👍 11👎

girlfriended

when an item of clothing is no longer in your possession because it was taken by your girlfriend

“Bruh why don’t you have tracksuit bottoms?!”
“They got girlfriended”

splaff

a blunt made up of pubes and semen

Yesterday I was caught making a splaff by my dad. luckily he was smoking one of his own so he didn't remember the next morning

Bassketball

when you fill your girlfriends ass with ketamine by bowing it through rolled up fivers. Then, when it is filled to the brim, you have to dip your penis in honey and, using it, collect the ketamine. then when you cum, ketamine will fly up into the sky and into your girlfriends mouth.

"I played bassketball with my girlfriend last night"
"oh cool what was the score"
"nah mate not THAT kind of bassketball"
*share a look while laughing slowly and quietly*

11th january

people born on this day have shit curtains and are closeted homosexuals with small dicks. also known as national small dick day

did you hear alasdair just came out as gay?
yeah it was inevitable. he is born on the 11th january

9👍 46👎

chard

a burnt chode

dude I was setting fire to my farts yesterday and I got a nasty chard. luckily I had the aloe vera on call