second wave

n. Mysterious viral force that will kill us all.

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Yeah, we have successfully flattened the curve. But the second wave is coming soon. Very soon.

VD

n. Valentine’s Day, also a wide range of interesting venereal diseases.

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I love VD. It helps to define the special bond I share with a woman.

You mean the disease right? Not the special day

With VD every day is special.

johnson

v. To stomp about in a self-aggrandizing manner and destroy centuries of sensible governance precedents. also a sexual activity in Canada.

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So I hear there be a chubby old fellow with a silly blonde hairdo trying to johnson on the banks of the Thames right under Big Ben.

That’s a boot right.

Colour deaf

Adj. An inability to hear or understand certain words related to coloration, shading, texture etc. Sometimes used as a cover-up for in attention or ignorance.

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What is this? I said to paint the kitchen mauve with beige accents! Does that look mauve?

Sorry dear. Don't yell. You know I'm colour deaf.

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Toronto

place. Small Canadian city resting on land taken from open and generally unsuspecting indigenous folk and the laurels of a group of somewhat tall people hailing from a region known as not-Toronto. Also the site of Keith Richards’ heroin bust and a few scattered NHL victories in the olden days before foreigners were allowed to play. A pointlessly tall tower mars an otherwise boring waterfront and an amateur Trump impersonator runs the government.

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Say, how aboot we hitch up the dogs and mush over to Toronto to watch what’s left of the Raptors get thoroughly spanked!

Nah I have to deworm the children. Again.

trumptime

n. The moment when serious thoughtful contemplation is abandoned and random wonky action begins.

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Look out kids! Mean Mr. Johnson next door keeps letting his sprinkler splash my BMW. JUST DETAILED! So now it’s rumptime. I mean trumptime.

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clawshake

n. An unwelcome handshake in which one person is grasped awkwardly as if in a raptor’s talons.

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Did you see the clawshake Trudeau gave Biden yesterday? Awkward!