quilled

v. To have one’s skin punctured repeatedly by a cumbersome but well defended porcupine or, by extension, to be skewered by an opponent in sports or business.

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Texas tech totally quilled those Zags tonight. The Bulldogs won’t sit straight for weeks.

semantic spelunking

v. Exploring the depths of the meaning of a word or phrase in order to tenuously defend a friend or client. A form of legalese.

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When the rumours of sexual assault began circulating the press agent put on both his game face and his lighted helmet before engaging in some pretty tricky semantic spelunking.

kleptopigia

n. An irresistible pathological desire to steal pigs or delicious parts of pigs, such as bacon. Usually considered untreatable.

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Why is there ham hidden in every nook in your house? You still got that kleptopigia?

Get off my case! It’s in my nature!

ronaldo

v. To prance about in a pretentious, shirtless manner after any minor victory, athletic or otherwise.

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So you won the beauty contest. That is no reason to ronaldo Melania.

fractivist

n. Person opposed to liberating hydrocarbons from their dark prison under the earth.

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Another fractivist says his bath water catches fire. Whiner.

brexiting

v. Endlessly discussing and planning an unneeded, pointless or frankly disastrous event without actually proceeding to any observable action.

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You get thrown out of college yet?

No. The Dean and them other clowns are still brexiting. Roll me up a bomber.

Gull Lake

place. Delightful resort hamlet nestled in the armpit of west-central Alberta. Formerly a thriving village built on soggy land wrestled from the clutches of the native inhabitants it has undergone an unwanted downsizing in recent years as evaporation and chemical fertilizers have wreaked havoc on both the lake and the current residents. Home to some of the finest gravel-rich moraines, human filth, alluvial silt deposits, and piles of broken plastic flotation devices in Canada, Gull Lake is poised to take advantage of the coming covid-inspired “We are desperate to vacation anywhere” ethos. Pony rides are available for the kiddies and an Armenian style brothel is under construction.

Why vacation in Gull Lake? We can get hepatitis right here at home.