And then i fucked her up the ass

What you say when you're in the middle of a story and realize no one's listening.

I'm sitting at the dinner table, telling my girlfriends family about how we met. As I'm getting to the funny part, i realize no one's listening, so i abruptly finish with "and then i fucked her up the ass!"

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Project paralysis

When you have so many things to do, you become so overwhelmed that you can’t start on any of them.

Dude, how’s that Jeep project coming?
Bro, I can’t even start it because I have too many projects and can’t focus on any of them. Fucking project paralysis…

dinkasaurus

When someone is being a huge dick

You're out at a sporting event with like five of your buddies. Four of us have bought at least one or more rounds of beers for everyone. It's getting close to the end of the game, and there's that one dinkasaurus who hasn't bought any beers, yet has had no problems drinking all the free beer. He think's he's gotten away with being a cheap ass motherfucker, but everyone in the group has noticed.
You, talking to a couple in the group: "Hey, did you notice dickless didn't buy any beers?
Response: "Yeah... what a fucking dinkasaurus!"

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Fart Block

Not being able to fart when the coast is clear.

You're at a social gathering and have to fart really bad, so you excuse yourself and walk to the bathroom. But now you can't let it out, no matter how hard you push. Damn fart block!

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Pee Performance

Standing and peeing directly in the water with the door open

You've got some bros over and a few hotties, and as you're trying to impress the hotties, one of the bros goes to the bathroom and proceeds to pee loudly in toilet bowl with door open. He doesn't even try to aim on the porcelain, but goes directly in the water... "Really bro? Now's not the time to give us your pee performance!"

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I just farted

What you say when you’re cooking and someone walks into the kitchen saying “Mmmmm.... it smells so good in here!”

As I slave away at the stove, cooking dinner for my party guests, one of my buddies wives says Mmmmmm... it smells so good in here! My response: I just farted.

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Dinklet

When your woman's being a dick

You: Hey sweetie, let's go on a date tonight.
Her: I'm still mad at you for not helping me with the dishes last night...
You: Please don't be a dinklet!

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