Splinching

Splinching (a combination of the words “spread” and “clinch”) is a flatulating technique. This occurs when one (or more) butt cheeks are spread apart, yet the sphincter is clinched, producing an impressive auditory phenomenon.

Ezekiel: “That was an impressive cheeser, my good man! What’s your secret?”
Jedediah: “Splinching is the key to a distinguished cheek squeak, Big E.”

Van Dyking

Bending a girl over an ottoman and penetrating her from behind during intercourse. After you've climaxed, proceed to flip her over the ottoman the rest of the way, so that she lands on her back.

I love banging TV Land girls; they get off on van dyking.

Joe: How'd you get the shiner?
Pete: Well, I van dyked this girl last night, and she didn't appreciate it; so, she punched me.

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Pussy Proxy

n. A substitute (e.g. Hand, pudding cup, vacuum cleaner hose, etc.) for a vagina, typically used when a man's penis is denied entry into his significant other's vagina.

1. I was forced to use my pussy proxy last night.
2. My girl's on the rag; I guess it's pussy proxy for me tonight!

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TV Land Girls

Girls who watch classic tv shows on the cable network "TV Land." (Examples: Leave it to Beaver, The Andy Griffith Show, I Love Lucy, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Gunsmoke, etc.) It's common knowledge that most TV Land girls enjoy the act of "Van Dyking."

1. She doesn't like current television shows. She's a total TV Land girl.
2. TV Land girls are the best! They love "Van Dyking!"

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Wet Chester

n. Inserting a wet thumb up someone's anus.

Example: "I sleep with my pants on in fear of receiving a wet Chester.

2) Guy 1: Man my ass is sore and soggy.

Guy 2: I'm afraid to ask, but why?

Guy 3: I woke up to a nasty wet Chester this morning.

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Butt-Huffing

The act of inhaling methane out of one's anus. This is commonly performed during foreplay, but is also a quicker, less potent alternative to the huffing of manufactured jancum.

1. My wife likes to be butt-huffed.
2. I need a quick fix. Drop your pants and let me butt-huff you.
3. That girl's really into butt-huffing. I'm gonna go eat some chili...

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