tts

Acronym for 'Terrorizing The Streets', a short-lived chav/townie crew based in the middle-class North West London suburb of Ruislip, consisting of a dozen delinquent fifteen year-old boys thinking they're hard by prowling the Ruislip high street in their Burberry caps on Friday nights, graffiting everything in sight. Will attempt to start a fight on any grounds, but are not to be taken seriously.

Crew member: "TTS, blad. Gimmeyerfone."

To which one should reply: "Piss off."

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townie

The most common use for the word 'townie' in England is that which describes a person.

A townie is normally aged between 11 and 15. Listens to so-called 'garage' music such as Blazin' Squad and So Solid Crew, neither of which is REAL garage music; simply pop music with a stammering kid in fake diamonds fronting the band.

A townie will normally dress in grubby shell-toed Nike trainers, rolled-up Adidas tracksuit bottoms and an unmatching jogging top, regardless of the sex.
If female, the jogging jacket will most likely be pink or baby blue, most likely purchased for £5 at the local market and will have the word 'PRINCESS', 'BABE', 'BLING BLING' or 'FCUK' spelt out in white across the front.
If male, the townie's jogging top will most likely be white with blue sleeves, again purchased for £5 at a market; and will have the name of an American city spelt out across the front, ie. 'BOSTON', 'DETROIT', or 'CUBA'; ..despite the fact that these creatures are not intelligent enough to know where the places they advertise on their chests are. Most, upon asking, will not even realize that 'BOSTON' is a city.

A townie will often smoke because "it's alrigh', innit?". All townies own at least one item of clothing with the disgusting beige/brown Burberry print upon it. Obviously, this garment is not genuine Burberry, and instead of the £400 charged for a real Burberry bag/scarf, will have been purchased for £1.50 down the local market.

A female townie will have poorly dyed blonde hair with split ends and two inch long roots, gelled back into an impossibly tight bun/ponytail held by a fake Burberry hair-tie. The ears will also be adorned with at least three fake gold earrings ("only two quid fer eigh' pairs dahwn 'a marke'") and will have some form of acne, vainly covered up by layers upon layers of cheap foundation, blue eyeshadow and neon blusher. Eyes will also be caked with smudged eyeliner and clumpy blue mascara.

A male townie will not wear make-up, but will normally have a diamanté stud in one ear and boast that he did it himself.

All townies look down upon anyone who:

A) is intelligent
B) has a future that doesn't involve the words 'McDonald's drive-thru'
C) owns an item of black clothing
D) doesn't listen to So Solid Crew
E) doesn't smoke
F) doesn't have a forced Cockney accent
G) shows ANY sign of refusal to conform to the masses; ie. INDIVIDUALITY.

"'Orrigh'?" said one townie to another.
"'Orrigh'," replied the other townie.

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iceland

An unusual chain of British supermarkets selling a large variety of low-price food and, for no apparent reason, bad quality dishwashers, freezers and other kitchen equipment.

Chosen grocery store of the more upmarket chav, Iceland also specialize in extravagant but completely irrelevant deals, such as:
'Buy these chicken dippers, get this tin of vitamin supplements, this jar of pickled gherkins, this bag of dog food, a whole turkey, this tub of butter and a kettle - free! All for just £2.95!'

Iceland - because mums are heroes.

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