panic butter

extreme dairy product to be used as a self-defence weapon in life-threatening situations. thrown as projectile in assailant's direction, causing disorientation, confusion, and panic. minimal blast radius, but high shock value. comes in various strengths. side effects may include lubrication, nausea, development of an australian accent, and diarrhea.

also good on toast.

Gertrude: Oh my God! We're being robbed!

Gerald: Quick! Crack open the panic butter and hurl it at them!

(hurls panic butter, then exit)

Robber: WTF?! This is so weird!

(stands around confused until arrested)

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