Ethan

THIS ONLY APPLIES TO ASIAN ETHANS!!!!!!!! (I'm also asian. This is not racism.)

Born in the rice fields of China, shipped straight to America. Is a stupid fucking chink that single-handedly ruined my life. Once I feast my eyes upon this rice picker with a straw hat, my smile just faded away. As he crawled over the grains of rice I dropped from my lunch, he said "Wah duh fuq man! You can no wasta dis goo rai! MY FAMRY HANPICK DA RAI FROM MAINRAN CHINA!" As I watched his chinky ass scurry around to pick it up and his dirty bare feet swiping across the lunchroom floor, I stood up and started blasting Yi Jian Mei. He looked back up at me with his tiny little eyes and Master Wu from Ninjago facial hair, and yelled: "HAO YU KNO DISSA MAI FAVOREE SHONG!!" and starts doing the Chinese lion dance for whichever one of the thousand fucking Chinese holidays it was that day. Since then, I couldn't bare but feel the need to include this retard chink in my life, and watch his bum ass learn engrish.

He's my real MVP (Most Valuable Picker)

Person 1: "DING-DONG CHING-CHONG HERE COMES ETHAN! PLAY SOME YI JIAN MEI!"
Person 2: "I GOTCHU!!!"
Radio: "XUE HUA PIAO PIAO BEI FONG XIAO XIAOOOOO"
Ethan: "YO DISSA MY MUESHIC!"