The Ewan

ABSOLUTE egotistical and vainglorious piece of cod with a completely indolent attitude towards EVERYTHING. In his clueless nature he will inevitably fail to see BOTH sides of the story, and only cares to talk about his own point of view. This lying moron will throw ambiguous language at you with enigmatic tones and manipulative lines. Ewan's relentless ability to neglect, mistreat and disrespect you will shock you right off your high horse and make you question your own significance. Do not even get me started on his tendency to wallow in self pity as he will repeatedly blame his disloyal and unfaithful behaviour on everyone but himself.
Ewan is definitely afraid of spiders and clowns so prepare yourself for an eternity of cowardly behaviour.

The Ewan
Friend:"Omg he kept his eyes open when he kissed me"
me: "Oh, so hes called Ewan?"
Friend:" How did you guess????!!!!!"

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Ewan

His kind brown eyes will make you wish you were never born, his nervous laugh will send your heart into stress cardiomyopathy mode, the way he holds your hand will be all the warmth you will ever need, and the softness in his voice is enough to keep you going. I had him once, but he's gone now...if you have a Ewan like this, love him unconditionally because he sure as hell thinks no one else will.

Ewan: "hey wanna go to...."
me: "faints"

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Ewan

ABSOLUTE egotistical and vainglorious piece of cod. In his clueless nature, he will never understand how to show affection and is completely indolent when it comes to trying in every aspect. This slow moving and good for nothing moron will neglect, mistreat and disrespect you on every level. He will gaslight and blame his inconstant and disloyal behaviour on everything but himself, so don't even think about confronting him about anything. Ewan will be thoroughly and unconditionally tiresome with his ambiguous language, constantly failing to see both sides of the story.
Oh, and he is most definitely afraid of spiders.
Word of advice: Never date this cheating capricorn.... you will regret it.

Me:"Gosh i feel as if i'm trying to draw blood out of a stone"
Friend: "Oh are you talking to Ewan?"
Me: "How did you guess?!!"