Edmonton

A large, sprawling, industrial cesspool located in central Alberta, that is home to about 1.1 million people. Edmonton is known for very few things, and is a relatively unremarkable city with the largest shopping mall in North America. Edmonton has the highest murder rate in Canada, because all of the inbred trash that works in the oil fields up north comes down to Edmonton to waste their money on whores, drugs and lap dances before shooting someone in the face. These people are usually white trash, natives or immigrants from Africa and India.

Edmonton is also home to some of the most godawful, fucked up architecture in the world, where every building is either a grey or brown box that is spiced up with shitty neon. This is because most of the city's buildings were built in 1966 and haven't been renovated since my parents were in kindergarten and all the historic architecture was torn down by unscrupulous city planners.

On the bright side, Edmonton is also one of the wealthiest, fastest growing cities in the world, and the average Edmontonian has a higher per capita income than any other type of Canadian. That's the only reason I stay in this frozen over hellhole. Edmontonians have opportunities like no other.

Also, Edmonton is still better than Calgary, which is a boring Toronto wannabe with ugly, rude people and a shitty zoo. It's not as ugly as Edmonton, but it has no soul and is inhabited by mindless worker drones who sit in cubicles all day drinking soup from a straw.

I just went to Edmonton, got shot, got frost bite and made 500,000 dollars from working at McDonalds.

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