posturbate

When you have a load so majestic that you must upload a picture of it to Facebook, Twitter, or Intagram.

You: Hey man, did you see me posturbate last night?
Friend: Yeah, I'm unfollowing you on Instagram.

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Cock Crocs

When you put a condom on and it's the ugliest thing you've ever seen.

I was about to buy the new Trojan Ecstasy Condoms, but then I remembered when they looked like total Cock Crocs.

but he's black

A phrase that makes a regular achievement seem better just because that person is African American.

You: Hey dude, John has a 2.7 GPA.
Friend: Okay, that's not really that good.
You: But he's black.
Friend: 2.7? That must be some type of record. He should get into Yale.

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