spandalized

When your eyes have been damaged (i.e. vandalized) by looking at a large woman who has no business wearing spandex shorts.

Dude 1: "Dude, look at that woman eating fried butter, wearing her spandex shorts."

Dude 2: "Oh, Nooooooooooo, I've been spandalized."

40👍 19👎

twitterbitter

The jealous rage you find yourself in when you discover through twitter that your significant other has been dating someone else behind your back.

I was sooooo twitterbitter to find out that the two of them were having a secret rendezvous.

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momtra

A phrase quoted incessantly (like a mantra) by your mom.

I wish I had a dime for every time my maternal unit used this momtra on me, "Daughter, choices have consequences."

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cherishsumable

A knicknack that you cherish for a few days and then throw away guilt free like a consumable.

Teachers receive a lot of useless cherishsumables at Christmas time from their students.

"I had to ewww and awww over this cherishsumable when I opened it from my student, but in my mind I really was thinking 'What in the world am I going to do with this little piece of junk?'"

31👍 2👎

spousemosis

When everyone expects you to have the same knowledge as your spouse simply because you live with them. Frequently happens if the husband is computer savvy, then everyone expects the wife to have equal knowledge about computers too and will frequently go to her for computer help.

Ruth's coworker: Hey, Ruth, can you help me? My computer screen just went black.

Ruth: What? No, I have a middle school teaching degree.

Ruth's coworker: Well, I just thought since your husband is into computers, you'd know how to fix it by spousemosis.

28👍 7👎

premature ejacusend

When you accidently press the send button before you've finished typing the full message. Can occur while texting or email.

Guy 1: "Oh, man I just texted my girlfiiend that "I'd love to have a b"

Guy 2: "What?"

Guy 1: "Yeah, I didn't get to finish the sentence cause I accidently had a premature ejacusend. I was going to tell her I'd love to have a beer with her. "

38👍 6👎

unshopping

The act of first, filling up your grocery cart, but then upon deciding that you could get the items cheaper elsewhere you put all the items back where they belong, thus emptying your cart.

Scene: Girls shopping in grocery store together with 10 or less items in their cart.

Girl one: "Girlfriend, I don't think I have enough money for these things in our cart."

Girl two: "You're right, we could get these same things cheaper at one of those 'one-stop-shopping' stores."
Girl one: "Let's do some unshopping here and head off to Walmart."

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