Questmandment

A statement, politely worded as a question, that conveys a clear command. Typically used in email to a lazyass peer or colleague you require something from, and hence are forced to be nice to. It’s effective use not only prevents bitching and whining that they don’t answer to you (aka the “you’re-not-the-boss-of-me” effect) but forces them to get off their ass and actually do their job without looking like a total bastard. (Note: Best used when the email includes a cc to the lazyass’s manager.)

Questmandment (used in email):

Kelly, we have a Production line down because they don’t have the metallic labels I asked you about last week. Would it be possible for you to get these added to our floorstock ASAP.

Paranoid Speller

A person so bad at spelling they can’t believe they actually spelled a word correctly. Symptoms of this paranoia are changing the spelling of a word in question to trigger the spell check for confirmation. Or alternately stopping everything and checking an obviously non-misspelled word at dictionary.com.

“Hey did John ever finish typing up that paper?”
“Yeah but it took him forever, he’s such a Paranoid Speller.”