hard pause

The abrupt halt one encounters when they realize that they are about to crap, they are not going to make it to the toilet, and the only chance they have of saving their pants is to stop in their tracks and clench their butt cheeks at tightly as possible. A hard pause is complete when the gas bubbles gurgle to the top of the stomach. A person has roughly 30 seconds after the stomach gurgle to reach the toilet, or they must prepare for a second, even more perilous, hard pause. It is unwise to try to attempt more than two hard pauses in a row. This will probably lead to disaster, and will likely require field-dressing of ones underpants (i.e., cutting through each leg with your pocket knife and tossing the soiled drawers behind the toilet).

I almost crapped my pants this morning. I had to make a hard pause in the hall on the way to the bathroom and another right in front of the toilet.

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