functioning homosexual

A functioning homosexual is a gay person who has not given
thier life over to the drama associated with their sexual orientation.
A homosexual who can pass as straight when the need arises.
Someone like Will on Will and Grace.

Gay Dude 1: It's amazing how calm Bob was when Brucie had
his meltdown at the GLT meeting last night.
Gay Dude 2: Bob is very good at keeping it together, he is quite
the functioning homosexual.

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future regret

The feeling that overcomes you when you know
the action you are about to undertake will have
severe repercussions at a later date.

Hoping to postpone the consequences of a
stupid act to a later date when you have had time
to reflect on it.

I know my wife will blow a gasket, and there will be
a high price to pay in future regret, but I'm going
to buy that Jeep!

famous last words

Statement made just before an untimely passing.
Things said by a person about to unwittingly cause his own death.
Such as:
I promise I won't get hurt.
Hey you guys watch this!
That (insert dangerous animal here) won't attack me.
I checked it's not loaded.
It's deep enough watch me.
I've done this a hundred times.
I know what I'm doing.
I am not going too fast!
I drive drunk all the time nothing's going to happen.
I can handle it.

Famous last words of a fool: This will be easy, no one's going to get hurt.

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blowjob by proxy

When a blowjob has just occured and the blower french kisses
someone other then the blowee.
The person receiving the french kiss from the blower is said to be giving a blow job by proxy. Being they are enjoying the orgasmic residue and flavor of the blowee generally not knowing
that they are sharing in the proceeds of the blowjob.
Later wondering why others are calling them cock breath.

Bob: "Sally and I were at the pool when she gave me the blowjob of a lifetime! I blew a load that would choke a horse just as her husband walked outside. I dove in the pool pulling my suit up as she slide her tounge down his throat."
Sam: "Dude! That's too funny! Her husband gave you a blowjob by proxy!"

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Conan O'Brien

See douchebag

Conan O'Brien sucks so very much. Conan O' Brien is such a douchbag!

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to die for boobs

A perfect set of tits.
A pair of breasts that any man would willingly die for if he could
spend his last moments on earth holding them close to his face.
Breasts that could cause hearts to stop by their unveiling.
Titties that will make grown men want to breast feed forever.

"I went to the tittie bar last night, there was a new dancer there with to die for boobs. It cost me 50 bucks to get them
shoved in my face, but it was well worth it!"

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fuck me to tears

A declaration of a desire to have painful sex.
What sensitive people request when they wish to fall asleep crying into their pillow.
An utterance of dismay.
A cry for help.
A vulgar version of have sex with me till I cry.

I showed Sally my dick, she exclaimed fuck me to tears!

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