The Dirty Menorah

While the Menorah has its roots in Hebrew culture, religion, and lore, the dirty menorah has only recently made its way into the lexicon of sexual parlance. However, it has crossed over to become more secular in nature in that it is not only practiced by those of Hebrew ancestry and faith, but by members of various religions as well as agnostics, and atheists alike; it need not be hetero-specific. It is related to the Dirty Sanchez, the Dirty Rodriguez, and even more so to the Dirty Ash Wednesday, albeit borne of different religious doctrine.

In stark contrast to the Menorah, which bears a total of nine candles, only two participants are required to effect a ‘dirty menorah’, with the male (or one of the males if practiced by a non-hetero couple) serving as a sort of sexual shamash. For eight consecutive days, the ‘shamash’ has anal sex with his partner.

Each day, after having successfully nutted in the recipient’s ass, the shamash places an individual and distinct Hebrew-language character on the forehead of his partner using only his penis to write the character; the ‘ink’ with which the characters are written in this case being cock-borne ass-matter from the shamash’s dick. Contrast with Dirty Ash Wednesday.

“Ah, the dirty menorah…you know, last week I ran into my ex, and when I saw her, I couldn’t help but think of that vacation we took in the Bahamas where, over the course of eight nights, I painted her forehead with Hebrew characters using only my dick...best anal sex of my life, but she wouldn't leave the room.”

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Angry Brown Spider

A colloquial expression used for the anus and sphincter, taken collectively and most often, in the context of pending or on-going sexual activity, such as anal sex or rimming. It is often abbreviated simply as "ABS" in the interest of brevity.

Even with slight, random muscle control over the anus, when said anus is viewed by an observer / sexual partner, the anus resembles the body of the spider. Moreover, the wrinkled folds of skin surrounding the anus ( or pucker) lend the appearance of an arachnid's limbs (i.e. a spider's legs) flailing about.

Naturally, said "arachnid" legs are thought to be moving in anger as the anus goes through various degrees of relaxation or tension, with the anger being a reaction to the threat of imminent exploitation that the anus is likely to experience at the hands of another participant.

Although the term is usually applied to women it may be used for men as well.

Did I tell you about that chick I slept with at the party last night? Turns out that she was BIG into anal, so she showed me her angry brown spider...and as I slipped it into her brown, she gasped but then told me to 'take her soul'.

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Pepper Punch

While somewhat related to the infamous Donkey Punch, the pepper punch relies not upon a violent and disrespectful act to affect the involuntary response (contraction of the anus and sphincter) in the other’s body, but rather, a sly, yet effective move to cause the same response.

When having anal sex and when just about to bust a nut, the ‘giver’, rather that punching the back of the recipient’s head (as would be the case in a Donkey Punch) to cause said involuntary response, instead tears open and pours out the contents of a fast-food type serving of pepper so that its contents (the pepper) land in close proximity to the recipient’s nose.

The pepper, naturally enough, causes the recipient to sneeze, thus causing the same involuntary contraction of the recipient’s anus while the ‘giver’s’ cock is inside of it, ready to be caressed into ecstasy and to its natural end, orgasm.

The pepper punch can be used among hetero and same-sex couples alike (however, for a lesbian couple, this act is not possible without the use of a strap-on dildo by the ‘butch’ of the couple).

I’d read about the donkey punch before, but I didn’t want to inflict any pain upon my girlfriend just to feel her brown grab my meat missile…so instead, after I had slipped my cock into her ass and…when she least expected it, I dumped the pepper by her nose.

‘Next thing I knew, she went into a sneezing fit – right as I busted a nut into her quivering, pulsating, convulsing asshole. She cursed me up one side and down the other, but what the hell…ahhh the Pepper Punch...it worked like a charm.

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Happy Lips

The generic name given the labia majora which emanate from the mons pubis, that is the outer lips of a woman's genitals. Contrast this with the arguably more popularmeat curtains. Note that the phrase 'happy lips' assumes that there is 'happiness' if there are one or more individuals whose focus and attentions and actions are focused on said anatomy, to the end of sexual gratification.

It should be noted that the potential happiness in said lips is dependent upon several factors, not the least of which being the intrinsic sensitivity of the 'happy lips' or as well as the state of arousal of the person to whom said happy lips belong, the overall propensity to achieve pleasurable sensations by one's own hand (or the hands / implements / adult toys of those in attendance / with whom there is / may be sexual communion) as well as age and the general condition of the vagina in general.

Patriarchal doctrine would presume that the degree of happiness achieved by said lips is a function of male / female genital contact or equivalently, male oral to female genital contact. Indeed, for many this remains the case, but care should be taken not to generalize and to acknowledge that same-sex stimulation is not only mutually beneficial for some, but in some cases, the only 'configuation' that can bring true happiness to the lips in question.

Dude...last night my girlfriend and I were watching a classic Marilyn Chambers flick from the 80's...you know...the one where she gets throat-f*cked by some stage-hand while she's on the pool table...anyway...my girl started rubbing one out to that scene, so I told her that I wanted to apply a lil' dick-stick to her happy lips. I figured it was better than telling her I wanted to 'cure' her meat curtains.

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CBAM

CBAM (pronounced 'see-BAM') is an acronym for the phrase 'cock-borne ass-matter'. CBAM can result when a couple engages in anal sex, and the recipient's ass is not completely 'prepared' for the invasion of the perpetrator's cock.

Thus, upon withdrawal from the recipient's ass, small amounts of fecal matter may cling to the perpetrator's dick like a rotweiler hangs onto a robber's femur. CBAM, while not entirely visually or aesthetically pleasing, is a necessary evil if one is to perform a dirty sanchez, a dirty rodriguez, a dirty ash wednesday, or the dirty menorah.

Indeed, were it not for CBAM it would be impossible to complete any of the above acts as well as other 'dirty' acts that have recently become so popular in the arena of sexual shenanigans.

"Dude...last night I picked up this waitress and gave her a dirty sanchez and...even after I had painted the Frito-Bandito 'stache on her face...my dick still had CBAM all over it. I think she had nachos for lunch..."

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