Saint Mattress

The "congregation" that people belong to who are too tired, lazy, or burned out on organized religion to attend a real church: they sleep in on Sundays.

Nosy co-worker: "So, what church do you attend?"

Actual worker: "Saint Mattress (aka: St. Mattress). I sleep in on Sundays."

13👍 2👎

dubya dubya three

Worldwide political, financial, environmental, and moral armageddillennium caused by HRH George W.'dubya' Bush in his endgame pursuit to enrich himself and his cronies before being run out of office.

Guy #1: Found a job yet?
Guy #2: No, man, no jobs anywhere.
Guy #1: I guess this dubya dubya three is everywhere.
Guy #1: And not going away anytime soon.

139👍 18👎

Tundra trash

A person from the frozen north who holds and misuses authority for his or her own self-serving, short-sighted, manipulative gain. Ethically challenged; devoid of prefrontal cortex activity. Makes being trailer trash look like a promotion

Woman #1: Didn't that Tundra trash go back to Alaska...what was her name, anyway?
Woman #2: Oh, you mean Sara Palin. I hear she's going to run for POTUS in 2012.
Woman #1: Sweet polevaulting Jesus! How can she not know she's a national joke!?!

13👍 1👎

dead man talking

Statement, usually stupid, sarcastic, and/or indicative to a sexually moronic male who uses cheap shots to incite feminine ire. Word play on "dead man walking", i.e., referencing the near-status of said tried, convicted, and soon-to-be-dead male. If said male wished to live, he best STFU.

Guy: (Come-on line)Soooo...ya hear that new blonde joke with the...
Girl: (Interrupting): (yells): Dead man talking!
(All other women in the room lean out or off of their cubicles/workspaces/barstools with a deathglare on their faces)
Guy: Nevermind.

14👍 6👎

meowie wowwie

Really good catnip.

Guy: Hey! What's up with your cat? He's running around all crazy like!

Girl: Oh, that. He's been into the meowie wowwie again and it gets him really wound up. Like a shot of whiskey does you.

dog beers

1:7 ratio of beers admitted having drunk versus beers actually drank

In dog beers, 1 dog beer = 1 6-pack + 1 beer

28👍 5👎

3rd degree black lip

A person exceptionally skilled in the art of sarcasm, especially debilitating personal insults.

Guy: Nice outfit! Thrift store having a sale?
Real woman: Dead man talking!
Guy: Ooooh. Get that 3rd degree black lip with that sharp outfit?
(Real woman pummels guy to death.)

11👍 12👎