John

John is an out of shape, balding man, who often smells of stale liquor and strippers.

His ill fitting clothes have empty pockets, are often in need of laundry.

If he asks for a small loan until next payday, say no.

Possessing undersized sex organs, he even fails at obtaining carnal knowledge at brothels, even when armed with a stack of $100 bills.

In spite of himself, he has been know to have sex, sometimes with other people, but rarely satisfies anyone including himself.
He was never a boy scout.

He often fails to understand the rules or follow them, even if he did understand.

His only real friend is an old horse, named Rocinante.

No one is sure if his parents had any children that lived.

Additionally should you meet him, he will fast become your favorite person in the world, besides every other person in the world.

He is impossible to underestimate.

At one point, he demonstrated his inability to empty piss out of a boot as he could not follow the instructions written on the heel.

He will make you wish you had more middle fingers.

If he was any dumber, someone would have to water him twice a week.

girl1: There's a man standing over there looking creepy. Should we alert the authorities?
girl2: Oh! We really don't need to. That's just John. He's perfectly harmless, but nonetheless creepy.

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