American Joke

American Jokes are jokes which are not made in America. Yet, these jokes can be made in America, but apart from America, they can also be made in China, Hong Kong SAR, Indonesia, Ethiopia, North Pole, Mars, Venus, Jupiter, the Sun...... wherever place you can think of which allow people to live. American Jokes are simply abbreviated as "AJ", which, obviously, comes from its original name American Joke.

So how did American Jokes become jokes? Once upon a time, there was a place named Quality College where students were capable of making very bad jokes. Those jokes are definitely totally utterly not funny at all, but students just loved making those cold jokes. One day, someone suddenly gave these bad jokes a name, AMERICAN JOKE.

It was rumoured that the term American Joke was invented by a student named "Sir iohC niwdE". Such a term was efficiently spread away by another fellow "A ginM", "maL noraA", "eeL ynneB" and "nhoJ osT". They are the founders of the "American Joke Society" (abbr. AJs), which is one of the biggest AJ as well.

Recently, the rumour was proved to be false. Yet, the rumour still remains to be one of the top AJ recently.

That is why these jokes are called American Jokes nowadays. But in fact no one can really explain how America is connected to those Jokes, or since when has American become a joke. Anyway, the name itself demonstrates the true meaning of the American Joke. It is that, a joke which is expected to be a joke, a joke which is formally a joke, a joke which is supposed to make others laugh, but at the end not being so "joky" as expected at all. Do you find the term American Joke a joke?

However, as students were becoming lazier and lazier, they eventually found the term American Joke too clumsy to pronunce. Instead, they gave this term another shorter version: simply known as AJ. Due to the simplicity of such a term and its effectiveness in preventing people from producing endless meaningless non-interesting yet troublesome dead-airing cold jokes, it was quickly spread among the community that nowadays every one knows about "AJ".

Here are some practical daily examples of American Joke:

1. "American Jokes are good jokes."

2. "Fine, thank you."

"You too."
"You three."
"You four five six seven eight......"

3. "Today I accidentally crashed into John and BJ."

"Oh really? Does it hurt?"

4. "John, congratulations for winning the champion. You are now the Macau Shooting Star!"

"Macau Shooting Star? Does that mean I can shoot stars in Macau? How do I shoot them?"

5. "BJ who is a DJ loves AJ."

There are too many examples to be named. Please be kind to add in your own version of American Jokes and they better are your own creations. The world of American Jokes should not contain any boundary.

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Papercut

Papercuts are deadly and should be avoided at all times. They are an infamous happening throughout the world, with an increasing occurance rate in Asia. Paper Cuts is a rocking Nirvana song off the Bleach album.

* The first recorded recorded incident of a paper cut was 1240 AD, when an English monk pulled out a bible too quickly. The Book of Psalms flew out of the book and slid across his arm. "Damneth thine verses; I smiteth thee!" and other various curses were heard throughout the monestary.
* 1492 - Columbus sets out to the Americas. Returns from trip bearing gifts, King Ferdinand is angered when a scroll injures him.
* Ten years later, the King perishes due to internal bleeding after swallowing a secret message.
* March of 1865, Portugal bans paper from the country. Unfortunately, this was impossible, as the paperwork to be signed was sent out of the country.
* 1998 - Wisconsin Elementary student Mark Gifadet perfects his paper airplane design; plans for world domination fail when his teacher is struck through the heart with the plane.
* Late 2005 - Cheney is put through hospitalization after Sharkboy throws toilet paper rolls at him.

What to do if Papercutted

Papercuts happen no matter what you do to avoid them. If you are in the wild or bush and receive a papercut you must immediatly flush the wound with urine and fill the cavity of the cut with leper semen. This with stave off death for half an hour. Hobble off to the nearest stream and ritually wash yourself. It's the best you can do.

If you are in the proper facilities, then follow these instructions to heal yourself.

1. Sit in a comfortable position
2. Wait, sorry. Fetch a ladle and a laser printer
3. Resume your previous position
4. Take apart the printer and mash it to the consistancy of marmelade
5. Using the ladle, apply the printer juice to the area around the wound
6. Let the wound sit for 2-3 hours

Don't forget that it's always better to avoid such accidents than to have to treat them.

A Cure

Scientists in the Ukraine are currently working on a cure for papercuts; so far there has been great progress. Lead scientists across the nation banded together and put their collective efforts to one project. Pills are in the making, and a protective suit prototype is in testing.

“SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!”

~ Oscar Wilde on papercuts

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Dr. Doom's Proof of Inherent Flaws in Democracy

Bah! Doom is here to prove that Athens, early Rome, and all three George W.'s (George Washington, George W Bush, and his father) all had their heads on backwards and their eyes twirled toward non-existant gophers.

1st Fundemental Flaw: People Are Like Monkeys: they're bananas.

Minor Elections

1. Exactly 5 people in any given general election know who any candidates are other than the presidential candidates.
2. Those five people know who other candidates are because they are physically unable to stop watching television, and thus cannot rise and vote anyway.
3. And nobody else cares about local politics.
4. Yet local elections still take a fair turnout. Why? Imagine you walk into a room expecting to eat a hot dog. And so you do. But after eating the hot dog, you turn to find the door locked. You look around and find the room completely white, and so unremarkable that you immediately collapse into explosive boredom, prepared to go insane from sensory deprivation. But wait. There is something you can do. Somebody has left you two check boxes and a pencil. Could be fun to check one of them. OOh! That was fun! Let's do it again! Check! Check! Check! Check! Check! Check!

And that's all the thought that goes into voting for a minor office.

1. Now that we're in a childish fantasy world of escaping madness by checking boxes, let's look at the things in the boxes. There are two methods: pick your favorite color, or go with the funniest sounding words. Think about it. Wouldn't you rather vote for Aquamarine Freznit Kerblinkipot!!!! than Bill Gray...

Major Elections

1. A person's choice in a major election is determined solely by:

whether the person prefers eating deer, or petting deer. or "I'll change my opinion if either of you offers me a cheap Chevy Suburban."

This is vastly different than Doom's preference of hooking cybernetic warmachines and maybe a vampire to a deer.

Flaw #2. Why elections don't matter anyway.

Say Congressman A is elected to represent party B, which opposes party C.

1. Congressman A does all he can to meet the interest of those corporations (and individuals, if you really believe that) that he can in party B.
2. Congressman A can't do too much, because congressman D, who represents party C, has devised a system in which every action Congressman A attempts is, instead of being debated in congress, thrown to the judicial or executive houses, which party C controlls. And thus you might as well have elected congressman D, so something at least can pass.
3. But even if you'd have voted for Mr. D, your vote would have been lost in the shady bowels of a voting machine manufactured by members of party B.
4. And in the event of significant political pressure, Mr. A will be more than happy at any rate to call himself a "moderate" and swing over to party C for moral reasons.

The Amazing, Spectacular Alternative of Dictatorship!

1. So you don't care who gets elected locally? Neither does Doom! Anybody can represent my explicit, iron will when I threaten their life!
2. Your political inclination may be shallowly motivated, but Doom has all sorts of good reasons why I should rule every aspect of your lives! And mine is the opinion that counts!
3. No congressmen will waste time bickering when Doom gives an order! You'll build that giant statue of me on your house's roof, or I'm injecting flesh eating robots under your skin, locking you inside your house, burning it down, and then building a statue of me on your roof. See, no tricky political loopholes there!
4. Political appearance. Imagine your average political debate on TV or your average senate meeting or what have you. Nothing but old people in suits arguing with each other. Now imagine Doom there. Doom is wearing high tech power armor and a cape, ranting in third person, and shooting lasers at whoever dares to disagree with the majesty that is Doom. Doesn't that make for more entertaining politics?

But wait, there's more!

Why settle for mere Dictatorship when you can get a Totalitarian, Oppressive, Militaristic Regime lead by a Dictator for the same price, that is, your total and unwavering obediance!

"But what's so good about a Totalitarian, Oppressive, Militaristic Regime lead by a Dictator?" you ask?

What's good is that if you question my authority again, nobody will ever find your body! But let me show you what's good:

1. Tired of having to make all those icky and hard decisions? Never again when Doom applies his special remedy, a mandatory nationwide 30 year draft of children 6 years old and up! Never will you have to make a desicion because when you serve in the Doom army, thinking is a death penalty, and we know, oh we know.
2. A thief in your house? Stole all your valubles? Worry no more, crimes like these will be no more when Doom takes away all your property and possessions and puts them under control of the government, and if someone did steal from you, you'd best not complain because then we'll know, and if we know, you know no more.
3. Tired of waking up to the sound of protest? Just want to kill those stupid, filthy, disgusting hippies? Worry no more, a nationwide death penalty against Liberalism will cure those pro-"free thinking" douchebags.
4. Never worry about abortion any more. Obviously, a woman who needs an abortion is a whore. If she wants her fetus killed, the government will assist her by executing her and then the baby will die with her. Either that or we'll turn them both into killer cyborgs and wipe their minds clean so they won't remember their past.
5. Education, everyone will get a free education equally. Everyone is subject to brainwashing and mind wiping before they become a killer cyborg in our military. Since we draft everyone from age six and up, they all get a free education in our military.
6. Religion, no doubts about it, everyone will have religion as everyone must worship Dr. Doom as a god. When you are brainwashed and mind wiped, you will be programmed to worship Dr. Doom anyway. Are you a die-hard militant Atheist? It does not matter as you will be converted to Doomism anyway whether you like it or not, and you will be programmed to like it.

So, in conclusion, Doom is your ROCK 'N' ROLL GANGSTER OVERLORD, AND YOU AIN'T DOIN' NOTHIN' ABOUT IT!

Dr. Doom's Proof of Inherent Flaws in Democracy

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Stinky tofu

Stinky tofu is a biological weapon developed in China, but now primarily used by Taiwan. It is considered a weapon of mass destruction and its use is banned by the Geneva Convention. Saddam Hussein was accused of having this. Oh, you silly Saddam.

“I smell feet!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Stinky tofu

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Google Mini

The Google Mini is Google's next step in total world domination. They plan to jump on Apple's brilliant iPod bandwagon, and produce a music player of their own. At first glance, anyone can see that Google has invented something new and diffrent, and that it is in no way ripped off from Apple. The Google Mini, however is not just a punny music player, it can be hooked up to any computer running the Google Operating System (GOS) through Google's version of USB (GooSB). Once hooked up to the computer the Google Mini's hidden functions become activated, as it lets Google Command know all the infromation it has gathered about you.

Features of the Google Mini

* It can play music however only music downloaded from the Google Music Store, uploaded through a GooSB cable, and listened to using Google headphones. But other than that, yes it plays music.
* Allows for easy searching All you have to do is think of the first couple lines of a song, press the "Google Search" button on the face plate. The Google Mini will proccess your thoughts, and give you a list of songs with matching lyrics as your search. Note: May not work with black people's brains
* I'm Feeling Lucky button Also on the face plate is a "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. Once pressed, this button will direct you to the nearest bank, so that you may steal some more money to give to Google. The directions are given through subliminal messages inserted into the current song.
* Lower Battery Life Due to all of the fancy features in the Google Mini, it's battery life is 15 minutes per battery. If you would like to increase the battery life by 45 minutes, you can buy a Google Solar Panel at the Google homepage, for the low price of $10,000.
* Mind Control Switch This switch is on the back of the Google Mini and by default is turned on. The Mind Control Switch allows Google to transmit messages to you, via your Google Mini, that will tell which songs to download from the Google Music Store.
Note: Only highly priced song titles will be broadcast - expect to spend between $50 and $60 on music without knowing why when this switch is turned on
* Google Earth Manifesto A small propaganda-on-tape message narrated by Morgan Freeman which details Google's plans for world domination, how Google intends to achieve world domination, and where you, as a loyal member of the Google Earth fit into these plans. When Google was questioned about this contraversial feature, Larry and Sergey came out wearing business casual, telling everyone that everything was fine and no one went inexplicably evil.

The Google Mini is now in beta testing. It may still be in beta testing for a few months/years. This is because Google has not yet perfected it's Mind Control, and people who listen to their Google Mini with the Mind Control Switch set to ON tend to kill between 50 and 60 people with names similar to songs and musicians, such as Elenor Rigby of Pikering, Ontario, Canada and Dave Mustardstain of Mesa, Arizona. The United States Goverment has, because of these murders, disallowed Google from finishing it's beta test until it can learn to control Mind Control. The Government doesn't yet know about the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button, however they would probably approve of it.

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Clue by four

In most geek communities, being hit by a clue-by-four is generally a sign that the hitter (person doing the hitting) believes the hittee (person being hit) to be an inferior form of life and therefore in need of a good whalloping.

In the past the idea behind the clue-by-four was that you were beating some sense into the hittee. Unfortunately it was later discovered that being hit on the head with a large wooden plank with "CLUE" written on it actually caused a loss of brain cells in the hittee. When you consider that the original intention of the hitter was to provide the hittee with some in the first place, this then put the hittee in a deficit of brain cells. Life, the universe, and everything being what it is, likes to be in a state of balance. So in order to solve the problem of the brain-cell deficit, the hittee would proceed to ask ever increasingly stupid questions causing the original hitter to smack his or her head against a wall, therefore restoring the balance.

For the purpose of beating sense into people, the clue-by-four was replaced by a large foam clue bat which has much the same result as the clue-by-four except does not kill what few brain cells the hittee may or may not already possess. Though the tool of choice now is the foam clue bat, the clue-by-four is still in regular use. It was renamed to the "Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool" which was then shortened to LART.

The key difference between the two tools, though they have the same origins, is what implications of being hit by one might have to your standing in the community that you are a part of.

To be hit with a large foam clue bat signifies that the hitter believes you are being immensely stupid and need correcting in a way that you will never forget, for your own good. Being LARTed is somewhat more common despite it's neurological implications and the fact that it is generally more serious. To be LARTed means that the hitter believes you have done or said something mind-bubblingly stupid and must be punished for your crime. You are not expected to gain anything from the experience as no friendly "constructive criticism" or advice will be given with the LARTing.

It has been theorized is that being hit by a clue-by-four only dislodges the slower, denser brain cells allowing the faster, smarter brian cells more chance of forming rational thought. The tests, however, have been inconcluive; showing positive results in only 42% of subjects.

Don't get hit by a clue by four.

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Broken English

What Is?

Broken English is form of Binary which can take many long hours to know good but Broken English can teach quicker. Broken English is used for many people in New York City to jpspeak in Canal Street, where this born. Broken English purpose to collect all people on Canal Street, Black People, White People, Asian People to speak one language so no confusion, no?. Many immigrantes from my country do same ting and speak same this way. It give many benefit to us, especially to Russia and Hitler. Broken English is new very fast ... instrument ... to communicate with people that are not you and want to do something when you give money.

Broken English living here.

Broken English born in Canal Street from Michael Lecolant. He was mother. Husband was Your Mom and Your Face. This was maked when two people wasn't allowed to speak Traditional Chinese or Bangladeshian because they did not do learning for it. No homework for both of those people. Michael Lecolant used all english he knew from watching Hey Arnold and Spanish Soccer. After taking much valuabled time from both staring to each othering face, they decide to make new way of speak for each other. Much days were lost, and then Broken English was doing the speaking.

WIN HARD FAST GOOD
Broken English screaming word

Not Expedition but Long Journey hard task

"Look good fast pretty, baby"

~ Jack Johnson on Sex with Broken English

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