soft jacob

During intercourse with a female who has more relaxed vaginal muscles than usual (i.e. loose), one removes one's penis from said vagina, turns around, and drops a hefty log of fecal matter directly into the gaping hole of the loose vagina. After doing so, one continues to pummel this fecal matter into the back of the female's vagina until it creates a hymen-like barrier to the uterus, though this act should not be used as a contraceptive method.

Hi Jon, how are you?
Great, Mike. I just performed a soft jacob on a filthy hooker.

18👍 13👎

Wally In A Basket

There are two requirements for one to be able to perform a wally in a basket.
#1: The partner on which you perform a wally in a basket must be female, and must have pubic hair which is longer than usual.
#2: You, the performer, must be capable of creating long logs of fecal matter on command or, in this case, when incredibly turned on.

When performing any sexual act around a female during which the female has her vagina exposed, one must use the abundance of pubic hair that said female has, and pull the hair to make a basket shape surrounding the lips of the vagina. After this form has been created, one then turns around, and lays a long log of fecal matter in this basket shape, but parallel to the lips of the vagina; essentially this log is on top of the vaginal lips, but the hope is that the pubic hair, in its basket shape, has covered the lips almost entirely. The result is a wally in a basket.

Hi Jon, how was work today?
Well Mike, it was superb.
Oh yeah, Jon? How is that?
Well Mike, I took my secretary's pubic hair, made a basket shape out of it, then laid a log along the lips of her vagina simulating a log of shit in a basket on her genitals- a Wally in a Basket.
Wow Jon, I wish I had your life.

18👍 21👎