doin' a paul mc cartney

when a man reaching middle-age seeks to convince his family that a girl nearer his kids age is his ideal bride. regardless of the inevitable protests offered up by his family and friends, he then defies them all - only to regret it later.

"dude, you're doin' a paul mc cartney dude"

23👍 11👎

Electric Sin

The sensation felt during/after jumping a red light on an electric bicycle.

Unlike a regular cyclist, electric riders experience a moment of shame akin to a car driver jumping a traffic light (which they would never do).

Folk: 'rolled through Times Square on red & felt Electric Sin, right up until a bike messenger slammed into me on the next green'.

Family look best in photographs

An ancient Greek proverb noting the momentary lapse between discomfort and comedy, between estranged family members when a camera lens watches over them like the legacy they yearn to create for themselves.

Photographer: 'Say: Family look best in photographs'
Family: '? 0........1........2'
Photographer: (pauses until the family realise no ancient Greek proverb could involve a camera)........CLICK
Family: '........4........5........applause :)'

7👍 6👎

Nappy Happy

Married's who just can't help themselves but take their whinging offspring everywhere they go.

Specifically: quiet pubs, cosy restaurants and a plethora of other entirely unsuitable places.

They frequently bore everyone to death with their endless tales about their newborn(s) futile antics, but can't understand why you couldn't give a damn and not inconsequentially, saved up to come here for your anniversary/first date and would like them to leave asap FFS!!!

This transformation afflicts strangers (and former friends), who subsequently become increasingly insufferable, whilst longing for the life you have & hoping to make you suffer for it any way they can.

The absolute truth is that whilst you rock the mic, they're picking sh*t from under their fingernails. Eugh! They call it natural, we know it's nasty.

Bringing a toddler to a pub, is like taking a ghetto blaster to a library.

Damn those Nappy Happy fools!

But

Having resorted to the word but in any circumstance whatsoever, it must be acknowledged that your failings will close-in like concrete shoes.

He/she: 'I love you, but I still wanna see other people'
She/he: '....'

11👍 12👎

rhymes with "cough"

derived from the desire to 'swear without swearing', from a glorious exchange - with nether party swearing one bit!

in an attempt to imply 'f-off', the rhyme was offered up instead. with great surprise the reply was even better than the joke itself...

(also used: 'would you like to play the russian composer?')

me: 'enter facetious remark here'
other: 'enter doubly facetious retort here'
me: rhymes with "cough"
other: er, "rachmaninoff"?

45👍 23👎

Gap Year Anarchist

A phase common amongst more affluent males in their early twenties, which typically requires the exchange of basic hygiene for Bob Marley memorabilia, dreadlocks and second hand military clothing.

Early warning signs include the gradual slurring of speech (as made popular in the movie 'Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure'), endless discussions of aid increases/debt reduction and an overall musky smell.

A Gap Year Anarchist will subscribe to numerous clichés. Behaviour may include voluntary summertime homelessness/squatting, throwing flour & dancing on a Cenotaph.

The phase ends when the GYA finally succumbs to pleas from his/her family and/or bank manager/student loans company/court, gets a haircut, a job and a life!

"And once again a Gap Year Anarchist succeeds in his lifetime's ambition: to get all the attention. Well done. *slow hand clap*"

(British Labour MP Tom Harris tweet, 19th of July 2011)

19👍 9👎