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1: A bastardised and relatively young language that is incredibly versatile and also sounds better than any other language when put to music. One of the advantages of the versatility of English and its' relative youth is the ability to absorb the best parts of other languages whilst ignoring the silly bits. French people are jealous of the English language because although theirs' sounds much sexier when spoken, it has a million stupid rules which the rest of the world has no patience for.
2: People born within England (not Britain or UK). A mongrel tribe of excessively agressive people who, not content with slaughtering the indiginous peoples of the British Isles, took their agression on a worldwide mission brutally slaughtering and repressing peoples covering the entire globe (unless the french or spanish beat them too it, which was not often due to their laziness).
English people work longer hours than almost any other country in Europe (compensated for by alcoholism) and have a generally shitty quality of life, despite this they maintain an arrogant superiority which engenders hatred for them throughout the world (especially in Ireland, Scotland, & Wales). Although the British government is responsible for the island of Britain it is an essentially English government so any hatred towards the 'British' should be directed first and foremost at the English (rather than Welsh or Scottish).
3. Much the same as definition two, a cunning and deceitfull bastard that will smile at your face whilst planning to give you a right royal fucking (and not in a nice way). Also a nationalistic moron whose patron saint was a Roman Soldier from eatern Europe given to the English by their Norman masters, although the real patron saint of England (and stil of the royal Family) is Edward the Confessor - an Englishman!.
(To a Parisian waiter)
"When you've stopped sulking read the menu in English."
(To an gibbering Indian call centre employee)
"Pardon? Sorry? Could you repeat that please? I'm sorry but does anyone speak English there?"
(To an American)
"Cat is spelt C.A.T."
"We don't 'jerk off' here old chap, we wank!"
(To an Austrailian)
"I know English doesn't come naturally to you but may I have two pints of lager please."
(To George W. Bush)
"In English, nuclear is pronounced new-clear."
(To Scots, Welsh, Irishman)
"Do you like the the English?"
(reply)
"No, they're a bunch of no good, blood sucking bastards."
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A girl who looks average until she smiles when it becomes plain she has horse DNA.
An idiot that is lucky enough to get a guy like Ryan Phillipe then spends so much time away from a mirror she forgets how lucky she was.
An ugly whining bitch.
A: "Is that Reese Witherspoon?"
B: "No, it's my daughters new pony, but I see the resemblance."
A: "Did you hear Ryan Phillipe and Reese Witherspoon have split up?"
B: "Yeah, she must've given up hope of ever getting laid again by something that doesn't live under a bridge"
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The Conservative Party is fast becoming an irrelevance in Britains attempts to become a one party state. Most of their voters are over 68 years of age and will hopefully die very soon. Currently led by David Cameron, who is belived to have suffered severe facial burns as a child which gives him his shiny balloon face.
Most Tories (Conservative members) are upper class, too stupid to enter the family business, were educated at Eton, congenitally delusional, and have become the last remnants of Empire. However there remains strong support amongst the neuveau riche (trying to become like the above), and the xenophobic lower classes who wish they were working 'below stairs' cleaning shit off their masters shoes.
A: I think I might vote for the Conservative party at the next election.
B: Who?
C: Oh, I rememeber them! (then proceeds to assault B)
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A man that sacrificed his political career supporting George W Bush on some misguided messianic mission.
He is not perfect but has done many good things for Britian but many people have forgotten what it was like before with Major and Thatcher - an incompetant wanker preceeded by one of the most evil women to have ever lived.
Criticised mainly by Daily Mail readers and people without the intelligence to dispassionately look at his acheivements despite the obvious and disappointing failures.
I am saddened that a man that held such promise for the British people after the dark Tory years has lied to us and broken our hearts.
Perhaps he is the perfect example of how misguided faith can destroy a man.
A: "Tony Blair is a bastard."
B: "Daily mail running another scare story today then?"
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Although not a direct insult, Margaret Thatcher is used as a yardstick to test public hatred for politicians. Although Tony Blair has tried hard in his ten years as Prime Minister he will be devastated to leave office without even 50% of the villification Maggie achieved.
'Mrs Thatcher the milk snatcher', 'maggie' or 'crazy old bitch' as she was affectionately known steered the UK through important and necessary structural economic changes to ensure the competitiveness of Britain's economy.
She did this in the most dispicably mean spirited and evil manner, by forcing hardship and unemployment upon millions of people, removing role models and providing a whole generation with a sub standard education. This is conclusive evidence of sexual equlity as she proved a feminine ability to be more ruthless than the most evil men.
She was instrumental with ronald reagan in defeating the Soviets during the cold war. Maggie was also called the 'Iron Lady', reputably coined by the Russians pissed at her tough negotiating stance but more likely due to the KGB discovering she is actually a Borg (cyborg).
Some disputed facts:
This evil wizened old hag has been medically certified as having the largest testicles in Britain.
Some claim that contrary to being a cyborg her heartlessness stems from from an infection that developed in cobwebs that built up in her pussy over many years that then went on to putrify her internal organs.
After 'suffering' a stroke (the first in over 50 years) she now closely resembles a melted manequin but with lower powers of mental reasoning.
Although it is yet to be officially announced it is widely believed that her 'death' will be celebrated by a national holiday which will include the burning of her effigy.
It is widely believed that she and Lord Lamont used to drink each others piss whilst sacrificing kittens by burning them on an electric hob.
Maggies late husband Dennis had not been sober since their wedding day and could not have been more emasculated were he a eunach.
She alledgely butt fucked Bush seniour in the oval office with a crude 'strap-on' which consisted of a un-plained 4x2 secured to the previously mentioned cobwebs.
person a: Hitler is the most despicable creature to have lived, he was a crazed tyrant that ordered the genocide of millions of people and caused devastation to most of the world.
person b: Aren't you forgetting Margaret Thatcher?
person a: Oh yea, she was a brutal cunt.
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