New Jersey

Jersey in a nutshell, “fuh” starters people dislike “arrr” accents. People who are “Joisey” born and raised (No one says “joisey”, it’s “jurzee”) they have accents that may make them say “cawfee” or “dawg”, this is local flavor. Would you want every part of the country to sound the same? I’d want to go to Wisconsin and hear “Oh Shore Bud” so when I’m in Jersey I want to hear “Yo, how much fuh dem shewz”. Regions are boring without their local stuff. New Jerseyans are blunt, rude, loud, and short fused. But that’s just because we don’t know you yet. Catch us at a pizzeria or a “hoagie”,”cawfee”, or “baygal” shop, and we’ll be better. We go to Rutgers only and yes we’re upset that the Nets were moved from Jersey, no we don’t care about the Jersey Devil, or the Devils hockey team, that’s just pamphlet “gawbage”. (That’s Brooklyn) don’t you dare confuse us with that vile borough. At least you didn’t confuse us with Staten Island. *Shivuh down my “spooiine”* NJ is one of the safest places in the country, “jus” avoid Newark, Camden, Trenton, or Atlantic City. Well Maybe AC. If you go there don’t play any rap music loudly, unless it’s Meek Mill, or anything drill. You can go to the diners speckled around the state, and we take them seriously. Everyone goes to the mall for literally every other thing we buy.

Maybe you can buy a bathing suit to go to the “shore”, pronounced “shore”, and sure is pronounced “shore” as well, no it’s not confusing, and yes, you will see fake tans, dyed dark red weaves, and girls with hoop earrings. And don’t “fuhgit” about our poorly placed rose tattoos that lie behind our ears, or where you shouldn’t be looking. In New Jersey everyone is on their way to somewhere else, and you’ll get “chuh” “fillins” hurt if you drive the speed limit on any turnpike. Our roads are better than in “dirty asz new york”, and “bumpy asz philly”. And most of us aren’t italian, and no none of us want to be, and yes we think an hour drive is too “lawg”. We don’t pump “arr” own gas, you peasants. NJ is unique and if you live here it’s mostly like a lot of other places, but if look closely you can see that you get Yom Kippur off from school, and the state is dense af. Our weather is balanced, great theme parks, malls, authentically imported food, the “f’n” board”wawk” “fuh” “cryin” out loud. Oh yea, and fuck the Jersey Shore tv show.