miaster

Pronounced me-ass-ter

-adj.
1. portmanteau of "miracle" and "disaster"

2. both pleasant and painful or regretful

3. bittersweet

Bob: I got the lead role in Romeo & Juliet yesterday!

Chuck: Oh, yeah?

Bob: Yeah, it was a bit of a miaster, though... The original lead got food poisoning. *shifty eyes*

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swine flu

1. The media's half-baked idea to cause the world to enter a state of complete pandemonium as a result of a lack of natural disasters (e.g. Red River flooding) to increase viewership or readership.

2. The government's plot to seek an alternative route to curing our economical situation by creating unnecessary drama in the field of pandemics that will supposedly spark a large creation of jobs in the cleaning product industry, and a trillion dollar profit margin, thanks in part to our gullibility as humans.

3. The hysterical hockey/soccer moms' excuse for contributing to the closing down of schools across the country, while students come into contact with one another more often outside of school than in school. Don't tell me kids are more susceptible to dying or being harmed from the swine flu as opposed to choking on a hot dog, getting hit in the head with a baseball, or falling off of a trampoline.

4. A future Michael Moore documentary that will be renamed "Pandemic Pandemonium".

5. A pandemic that will surely result in the mass hatred, execution, and genocide of pigs throughout the world.

"Oh, dear, Bob, you're experiencing a severe case of hysteria. That's a symptom! You better get yourself checked in!"

"Oh my, Bob, you look awfully run down. Are you sure you're alright?" *presses hands to cheeks* "SWINE FLU! EVERYBODY RUN!"

"Bob! They're evacuating the country to Mexico! Everyone's fleeing! This is not a drill! THIS IS A PANDEMIC!" *tornado siren* "Should I tell him that's where it originated? Nah..."

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AIDS

AIDS = Acquired Internet Deficiency Syndrome

-noun
a disease of the internet characterized by increased susceptibility to opportunistic infections due to faulty anti-spyware and virus programs, resulting in an excruciatingly slow internet connection.

Bob: "Dude, wanna go play Kuma War?"

Chuck: "Ah, dude, I wish I could, but my computer got AIDS yesterday when McAfee went kaput."

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