a rope tied around his wheelbarrow

A phrase used to describe a homosexual. When someone is said to have a 'a rope tied around his wheelbarrow' it is meant as a reference to the activities relating to their bedroom gymnastics.

It is best described from a starting point where, due to the way in which homosexuals utilise another persons anus, they can be described as 'uphill gardeners'. If someone gardens uphill they have a sloping allotment, which would require them to have 'a rope tied around their wheelbarrow'

The reason for using a convoluted description as this is to avoid embarrassment to those around you when putting a persons sexuality in question, some of whom may be of the same persuasion.

'Look at the way he walks, I bet hes got a rope tied around his wheelbarrow'

'Hes popular with the other blokes, definitely got a rope tied around his wheelbarrow'

'What, no girlfriend? Wheelbarrow mate!' (shortened)

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turboshit

The name given to the activity of shitting really fast. Especially used by disorganised people who dont have the shit-management gene and usually find themselves running to the bog hoping to 'send a sausage to the seaside' quickly because theyve got more important things to do.

Also used by internet junkies who find that logging on acts like a laxative and makes them want to 'log off'.

Often used to describe the vast quantities of crap produced by the above mentioned activity.

You should have seen it mate, I had a turboshit and it was poking out of the pan!

Ive got 30 seconds before she gets here, ill have a turboshit, no time to wash my hands.

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bullseye

A name that people use for their dog when they want to pretend theyre hard.

Often used when finding themselves surrounded by a bunch of knuckle dragging pizza faced children in the park.

Shouting 'BULLSEYE, cumear!' will make them think that the owner is as hard as Bill Sykes from the Oliver film, scaring 3 colours of shit out of them and making them run off.

Doesnt work so well if their dog's a chihuaua. Often doesnt end well.

BULLSEYE! cm'ear! Now then Oliver my boy . . . .

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double bass sex

Used to describe a sexual position used in foreplay where the man stands behind the woman, with his left hand on her left nipple, and his right hand on her vagina.

The man then proceeds to manipulate both parts of her body with the first and second fingers on each hand in a rhythmic fashion, ensuring that her nipple is gently squeezed between both fingers.

The position and action simulates that experienced by a double bass player.

Jesus mate, all she wanted was double bass sex, I was outa there.

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pseudofriend

An irritating individual that you call a friend but you don't really get on with due to

a) the fact they are a sponger
b) they constantly backstab you and all of your real friends
c) they have an artificial sense of superiority, which comes from them reading one book, making them an instant expert on a subject
d) they only know you when they want something major(ref sponger)
e) they are a transparent manipulator
f) they show unashamed arrogance when displaying their worldy knowledge to others.

Psychologically unbalanced, they struggle to take control of their life, and in the process compensate by controlling other peoples.

Often spotted by these character traits: Narrow minded, open mouthed, short on social skills and tells tall stories.

Phew, my mates invited me to a barbecue! Saves from meeting up with your 'pseudofriends'.

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jaard

A shortened version of the phrase 'Jimmy Hill', which is used when expressing ones disbelief at an apparent lie. Taken from using Jimmy Hill extensively to the point where one can't be bothered saying both words and uses just 'Jimmy', or shortened further to 'jaard'.

Accompanied with the rubbing of ones chin at approximately arms length. The size of ones disbelief can be expressed by the amount of reach obtained by stretching the arm as long as possible, and the louder and shorter the 'jaard' sound.

steve:'I caught a 38 pound pike yesterday'
dave: 'yeah, right, jaaaaaaard'

george bush : 'youve got weapons of mass destructionism'
saddam : 'jaard!'

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sponger

A person who repeatedly borrows things. Often a person who also doesnt return them and adopts the attitude that you exist solely as a free equipment supply warehouse.

This stems from an underlying attitude problem where the person believes they will get away with whatever they can, to get through life.

This is not to be confused with genuine forgetfulness, where a person will feel openly guilty when borrowing from you and will buy their own gear immediately afterwards.

This person comes under the category as a pseudofriend

Possible solutions include openly embarrasing the person infront of others, or lend them broken gear. Embarrasment doesnt always work as they have no pride in themselves, and they will always return something that's broken as they will have no use for it.

What a bloody sponger?! Every day he asks to borrow something and I never get it back.

Sod off! I'm not a walking stationery shop you sponger!

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