Got a turd in your pocket?

What you say when someone wrongfully assumes you will be included in an undesirable activity. Another way of saying "what do you mean we?"

Holly: "I told my cousin we would help him move this weekend."
Ramon: "Got a turd in your pocket?"
Holly: "Excuse me?"
Ramon: "You said 'we' so you must be referring to yourself and the turd in your pocket. I have plans this weekend."

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Old Lady Perfume

Cheap perfume that smells terrible and makes everyone except the perfume wearer sick. Usually worn by women who are 50 years of age or older. Tends to stick to hair and clothing.

"Susan stopped by last night and my whole house reeks like old lady perfume. She hugged me and I had to take a shower and wash my clothes to get it off me."

Greg: "It stinks in here, what is that?!"
Marsha: "Alice was just here and I'm pretty sure she bathed in old lady perfume this morning."
Greg: "Gross. Go take a shower."

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interrogation lights

Track or recessed lighting mounted directly above a seating area so it shines in your eyes; not unlike the lighting in a police interrogation room.

Turn off those goddamn interrogation lights I'm trying to watch tv!

fart friend

A friend or significant other you can fart in front of. A necessary obstacle in any long term relationship.

I had to make fart friends with Brittany before we went on vacation together so I wouldn't explode.

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Missoula

Located in western Montana, a town where dogs outnumber people and are allowed to roam freely and defecate freely throughout the city. More Birkenstocks per capita than any other part of the world.

Tom: "Why are you wearing birkenstocks?"
Sue: "I'm headed for Missoula this weekend."
Tom: "Don't bother shaving."

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