Pasadena

DENA

Pasadena, MD:

Despite the popular belief that the general population consists of uneducated, toothless ho-bags, everyone who lives or grew up in Pasadena knows that this group makes up only approximately 5% of the population. 75% of the population knows how to fix your car or how to put an addition on your house.

20% of the population hold college degrees and have jobs that are completely useless...but they make lots of money anyway. This group generally has not learned anything useful in their lives, and therefore cannot fix cars or build anything without it promptly falling apart. This group gives most of its pay to the other 75% that know how to fix cars and build houses.

2% of the group that holds a college degree also have graduate degrees. They generally wonder what they're doing in Pasadena when they could be living in neighboring Severna Park or Arnold. However, they realize that in Severna Park, they could lose their life savings if their dog craps on the neighboring lawyer's lawn. In Pasadena, the neighbor will thank you for the free fertilizer.

Despite the popular notion that there is nothing to do in Pasadena, there are various restaurants in which one could eat. Most of the teenagers who live in Pasadena don't realize that their cars can travel distances greater than 10 miles, and could land them in Annapolis or Baltimore in about 15-20 minutes. They would rather drive a few miles and hang out in the local fast-food eatery's parking lot. Some local teens lack the funds to finance a vehicle due to spending all of their money on spray paint...which they use to tag signs, fences, etc. In this way, they can mark their territory on property not owned by them, and pretend that they own something. This group of teens will never own anything because they are essentially morons. This is as close as they will ever get to property ownership.

Half of the population owns a boat. 30% of the boats are in working order. The other 70% are owned by college graduates...who spent all of their money on getting their car and house fixed by the other group that do not have college degrees...and they have no money left to pay to fix their boats.

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