continued

loneliness comes from realization of all of that

feeling like seeing everything from the outside

a different kind of loneliness, its bitter sweet
its good because you see so much more that other people

and feel things very differently, naturally

I guess other people call that "crazy"

because it is not logically explainable

there is beauty in that gift

but the exchange of a that gift is loneliness

and curse is darkness of devil
yang accompanies yin
maybe that's why art and music becomes our companion

a friend we can share ourselves with

because the truth is we also need a friend

a friend that can understand the weird/crazy way we are built

and help us share what we see and feel

~ end of the letter~

continued...I think I knew it all long but the young me just could not come into terms with the difference and the reality because I was a hopeless optimist

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south

maybe that's why I was taken down south

where the dragons played together

I didn't realize it allllll along

my own identity was starting me into my face lol
and I was clueless like an idiot

or maybe it was denial all long
sometimes I want to slap myself and say to myself (I do)
"you fucking idiot, it took you full four years and the answer was in front of you all along!!!"
we would scream the chant into the air before we played

and weirdly it uplifted me
we had to change the name sadly and I was sad for some reason

I couldn't figure it out then
but dragons are smart, they kept the name

its dragons ... something

you probably know

maybe that's why I was so attracted to her

she was like me, I just felt it

even though I couldn't pin point at the time

but now I finally know
I don't want to live in denial anymore

Denial was worse than accepting the reality

I hated going south at first, but it turned out to be good surprisingly

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tired

it so hard to listen or read or do anything

because you take that

and fit it into an image you have created of me in you mind

it annoying

and show to me confidently, saying

"this is who you are, right?"
annoying

just so you know

most of the time, you have missed the point

and I played along

because playing the role of fool sometimes comes in handy

but seriously stop

tired of trying to prove myself, so imma do what I feel like and go ahead and assume as much as you want

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000

also stop acting like you know it all
or at least what's going through my head?
I know you don't like this word but,
"its annoying :)"
I can see through your ways lol
very deceiving but not hard to figure out

really, ego is an annoying thing

learned it from you
thanks

000...lol

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alien

should I call it ignorance or misunderstanding or the unknown the world does not know yet
loneliness that is born on the day we realize

because we see the difference, since the beginning

between us and other people

we are just born this way

we realize as we grow up

and to accept that reality is not easy

because you realize you are an outlier
really out there

and no matter how hard you try you cannot be among the majority

jealousy maybe, of how other people can live life with warmth of sunshine

denial, that this reality cannot be true

how could you be such an outlier

you want to be among other people

you admire what they can do, how they can connect

hatred perhaps too, to the fate that you were born into
fate that you cannot change

because you cannot change how nature has created you
that's the limit

~ a letter to myself pt.1~

it's time to wake up, alien

the last alarm if going off

*also this is level of skill I have for writing right now, so don't judge

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