kilt

Also known as a "skirt" - hence the reason it's worn mainly by cross-dressing Scotsmen. Usually worn with the Scottish national football or rugby shirt and hideously unfunny tartan hats with fake ginger hair attached to it. The "national dress" is usually finished off with Timberland boots. The measure of a true Scotsman is wether or not he wears underwear beneath his skir....kilt. You can tell if he is or he isn't once he's drunk. If he lifts up his kilt and either exposes himself to you or if he staggers, stops and urinates then he's a true Scotsman.

Husband: "I feel so sexy wearing this kilt"
Wife: "Yea, and your make-up looks so professionally done"

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Scotland

Scotland is famous for:

- Drunks and alcoholics; leading to one of the highest rates of domestic violence between husbands and wives in Europe.

- Bigotry: Most Scottish people still think it's totally acceptable to hate the English with such venom and spite, it's practically encouraged to air those views and feelings in public.

- Grown men wearing skirts. A true Scotsman is said to be one who wears a kilt (skirt) without underwear - and this is usually proven once they're drunk and think nothing of exposing their 'meat and two veg' to other men, women and even children. But this crude act isn't a "sexual crime"; its seen as "just for laughs". True Scotsmen also think nothing of urinating in public especially when drunk regardless of where they are. Most don't even 'lift their skirts' hence their urine-stained boots.

- Hogmanay (New Year's Eve to you and me): While the rest of the world are celebrating the end of one year and the beginning of another, it's the one night of the year where all of Scotland gets blind drunk.

- Patriotism. Even if most haven't been north of Glasgow or Edinburgh (both of which are closer to England than the most northern part of Scotland)

"Is it true that, to visit Scotland, you need to turn your watch back 200 years?"

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