blumpkin burger

The blumpkin burger is a more extreme version the already grotesque blumpkin, where the receiver of the blumpkin, as he is about to ejaculate, reaches down into the toilet bowl, grabs a piece of his feces, and slaps the giver across the face with it. The resulting block of feces looks similar to a burger patty, thus the name “blumpkin burger.” It is about as rare as a South China tiger and maybe as difficult to pull off as a golden hailstorm.

For the even more adventurous: there’s a variant called the bumpkin Big Mac, which involves double the hands, double the feces, and double the cheeks. The end result looks like McDonald’s famous burger which puts two patties layered between three buns.

After forty years of marriage, Doris and Peter hit a roadblock in their sex life. Peter now has ED, but Doris still craves that good good. So, one night, Doris found an article with ways to spice things up in the bedroom.

“A blumpkin, huh? Interesting…”

The next morning, Peter hit the john as he normally did. As he sat down, he was startled to a nude Doris in front of him.

“W-what are you doing?” / “Giving you what you need.”

As she went down on him, Peter could actually feel his penis working properly for the first time in years, and he was actually pretty turned on. But he couldn’t shake the fact that this sex act was incredibly filthy. She was almost ruining his favorite time of the day.

In an act of rage, right as Peter started to reach the plateau, he used his left hand to pull Doris down, deeper onto his member, far enough so she couldn’t see her surroundings. With his right hand, he reached behind him and into the toilet bowl, grabbed a piece of feces and, right as he was finishing inside her mouth, pulled Doris off his penis with his left hand and slapped her with the poop patty in his right hand, gracing her with the coveted blumpkin burger.

“WHAT THE FUCK DORIS?”

“I DID IT BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU PETER,” she retorted while semen and feces sprayed out of her mouth.

As tears streamed down her face, Peter couldn’t help but be slightly aroused by the whole situation, so he looked Doris in the eye and then proceeded to make copious love on the bathroom tile.

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golden hailstorm

Similar to the golden shower, the golden hailstorm is a sexual act in which one person urinates on another, while passing a kidney or ureteral stone. Due to its rarity and near improbability, the golden hailstorm is often praised heavily by its receiver.

Late one night at the senior center, Martha and Frank started getting frisky with one another. Martha started to take off Frank's pants but he quickly stopped her. "Hold on, i've got a surprise for you!" he said with a wink. He then finished taking off his pants, and immediately started screeching loudly. Luckily for Martha, she had her hearing aid turned down, but she could still see Frank's visible agony. Just as she was about to ask if he was okay, Frank suddenly unleashed the golden hailstorm all over Martha's face. Three small stones hit her straight in her open mouth, and the immense pressure of the previously-blocked urine sprayed Martha like the rains of a Category Five hurricane. Martha was overcome by the sheer beauty of the golden hailstorm; she later described it as akin to seeing the aurora borealis or like being kissed by the Pope. After the golden hailstorm, Martha treated Frank to hours over intercourse, as she in awe of being a part of the rare golden hailstorm.

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ghetto dank

1) so ghetto that its dank.
2) a lot more awesome than dank.
3) a production company.

1) Yo, dawg! You be living in the projects? Thats ghetto dank!

2) G: That new car is pimpin'!
Dawg: Yeeee, G! Its ghetto dank.

3) White Kid: Dude, did you check out the new vid by ghetto dank?
G: WTF???