Douche Lord

Douche Lord, noun. Any human who has reached an unsurmountable level of douchiness; often the douchiest person one has ever known. A douche lord is the so-called 'king' ('lord') of douches. Should there be a town comprised solely of douches, this person would undoubtedly be elected President, Mayor, King, Il Duche, etc. dependent on the hierarchy of said town. Typically, a douche lord is one who possesses certain traits: lack of height, slicked back hair (ponytail optional), inability to speak English, KNOWN FOR STEALING INNOCENTS' PHONES OFF BATHROOM HAND DRYERS, monochrome attire, and general cockiness for no evident reason.

Common places where one can inadvertently stumble upon a douche lord: executive boards of healthcare companies (douchiness level can be measured according to picture appearing on website), happy hour at an urban brewery/bar/pub, IN THE KITCHEN AT STAGS HEAD, hosting a well-known reality television show, and other like-minded venues.

That fucking douche lord who works in the kitchen at this pub just stole my god damn phone off the bathroom hand dryer, where I accidentally left it!

55👍 20👎