Bathroom surgery

Cutting yourself in the bathroom.

"She performed bathroom surgery to ease the mental pain."

"You've got a funny way of showing off your bathroom surgery / You said you were just cooling down / ... / I've never seen arms like yours / I've never seen scars like yours." — Alkaline Trio

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Zoochosis

Mental disorder which occurs in animals that are kept confined. The afflicted animals suffer from intense psychological stress and often exhibit a range of neurotic behaviors.

"Prolonged captivity leads to zoochosis."

"That elephant has been rocking back and forth in its cage all day. It seems to be suffering from zoochosis."

"That bear is biting itself due to zoochosis."

Brilliant prose

Text so dense, dull, and filled with words that haven't been used for three hundred years that no one can comprehend it, let alone object to it.

I was arguing with some dude on the internets the other day, but he had such brilliant prose there was no way i could win.