kargersplunk

Someone who ejaculates into their beverage then drinks it and is left with a mustache.

Omg that guy just did a kargersplunk.

I'm either about to toot or shoot

This expression would be used by someone who has a degree of uncertainty about whether they have an urge to fart or whether he or she might actually shart or fully shit themselves.

I'm either about to toot or shoot right now, shall I risk it anyway?

I just finished my second bowl of nachos and I can't tell if I'm about to toot or shoot.