Michael Brown

np: Michael DeWayne Brown (b 1954-)
(aka: Gilligan. Wile E. Coyote.)

n. Brown
1. n. Former head of Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA). FEMA (aka: Federal Excessive Masturbation Autocracy.)
2. n. Former Arabian horse inseminator. (ie-technician who pulls the dong of an Arabian stallion, and then injects the effluent into the cooch of the mare for purposes of pedigree horse breeding. (See: splooge broker.)
3. n. Former splooge broker to President George W Bush. (See patronage appointments.)
4. n. (generic) Any man bearing a strong resemblance to a large slug or turtle, who frequently uses the term ‘balls to the wall.’ Any mollusk-like individual obsessed with balls.
5. n. (generic) A paunchy fashion god of the LLBean type. Any flabby middle-aged caucasian male who believes that rolling up his sleaves makes him appear macho and decisive, despite massive evidence to the contrary (see George W Bush, Dick Cheney, James Earl Carter.)
6. n. (slang: brown bag) A douche bag. An enema bag.
7. n. (generic) A whiner. One who whines, and blames others/everybody for his mistakes. (See stool pigeon.)
8. n (generic) A fall guy. (See Admiral Husband Kimmell.)
9. n. (generic) A scape goat used to draw attention away from a systematic government failure of massive proportions.
10. n. (sports) A coach. (ie-the act of firing the coach of a professional sporting team because it is impossible to fire the owner. See George Steinbrener.)

v. to brown:
1. v. To whine. To blame others for one’s own mistakes.
2. v. To fail miserably at a task, usually as a result of total ineptitude, incomptetence and indecisiveness. To make a bad situation worse through incompetence. (see: cockup, clusterfuck, hump the bunk, fuck the dog.)
3. v. the act of answering urgent emails with ridiculous understatements, suggesting that the recipient did not understand the gravity of the message. (ie-Message: “The 9th ward levy just broke, and New Orleans is under 18 feet of water!” Reply: “Thanks for the update. I’ll start looking for an alternate supplier of mardi gras beads.”)

“Oh stop browning, already. You know it was your fault.”

“Boy did I ever michael brown that job up!”

“Be sure to pack the brown bag for the trip to Mexico. We might need it if we get a case of Montezuma’s revenge.”

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Dick Cheney

Dick Cheney

(np. Richard Bruce Cheney b.1941-)
(aka Darth Vader. Frankenstein’s monster, the penguin, Jaba The Hut.)

1) 46th ‘Vice’ President of the United States, and former Secretary of Defense. Puppetmaster to the early 21st century military Junta George W. Bush. (see Blackadder III and Prince George IV.)
2) (Disney origin) Jafar. The evil Vizir (advisor) to the brainless Sultan, in the Disney cartoon Aladdin.
2) Jabba the Hut (see Empire of Evil)
3) The fat, corrupt guy in the famous Humphrey Bogart movie Cassablanca, sometimes credited as Sydney Greenstreet.

Synonyms.
-(Harry Potter): A Goblin. A morose, sullen individual who lives in a vault or bunker, and is obsessed with money.

-(Ref. H.G. Welles’ The Time Machine) A Morlock. (ie-a hideous, albino creature who dreads daylight, and lives underground to operate the machines that provide for the spoiled and child-like Eloi (See George W Bush).

v. to give somebody a Dick Cheney.
1) (v. sexual slang) To unintentionally ejaculate in a woman’s face. (ie- to accidentally ‘shoot’ somebody in the face. To get drunk, shoot somebody in the face, and then eat dinner.) A slang term for ejaculating in somebody’s face, formerly known as a pearl necklace.

v. to pull a Dick Cheney.
2) to escape or defer from an unpleasant responsibility by hiding in college for an extended period of time. To escape the national service draft in a time of war by spending eight years in a four year college degree program. (See Karl Rove. See chickenhawk.)

3) To publicly miscarry justice by ostensibly taking a Supreme Court Judge on a duck hunting trip, and then threatening to blow his face off if he doesn't vote to keep the identities of your corrupt business cronies a secret. (See Ned Beatty and Deliverance}.)

-to escape or defer an unpleasant responsibility by knocking up a woman.

"Bill Clinton is famous for giving Monica Lewinsky a dick cheney so spectacularly messy that Congress felt he should be impeached for it."

“My rich grandfather established a trust fund for me, where I’d get $50 000 a year while I attended college. So, I pulled a dick cheney, and flunked my senior year exams 16 years in a row.”

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drop the dead donkey

v. (chiefly British): To run a controversial or inflammatory television news story. A television news story constructed specifically to boost ratings through controversy. A television news story crafted for shock value.

We'll start the news cast with the story about the firefighters rescuing the kitten from the cherry tree. Then we'll drop the dead donkey, and run the story about how they fed it to the firehouse Dalmatian afterwards.

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purple rain

n. A restless feeling. A non-descript feeling of boredom, restlessness and confinement. A feeling one has when wanting to escape from responsibility (chiefly emotional) by travelling. Sometimes synonymous with 'wanderlust.' The desire to travel in order to escape an emotional commitment.

"Waiting for the early train, Sorry boy, but I've been hit by purple rain." -America (Ventura Highway).

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black dog

n. (possibly of Irish origin): A bad mood, characterized by anger, depression, or a mixture of the two. Emotional malaise. An antisocial mood. Sometimes synonymous with a 'purple rain.'

"I'm just telling you this because I don't like seeing you in a black dog every day." -Leo Shannon (Da Vinci's Inquest.)

"Best to stay away from me today, because I feel a black dog coming on."

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george bush

n. (jorj booch)
1) 43rd President of The United States.

2) 21st century American leader who’s rise to power necessitated the downgrading of Caligula, Nero, and King George IV to ‘moderate’ twits in the History of World Politics Almanac.

3) American president who frequently confused a Scottish terrier for that little black briefcase containing the DEFCON 1 nuclear alert codes, and carried it with him on the Marine 1 helicopter as a result of the mistake. (Ironically, most of his staff was actually relieved when he made this mistake.)

5) The Bush family's equivalent of Fredo, in the Corleone family. (Except for the part about ‘banging cocktail waitresses two at a time.’ Substitute countries.)

6) The first American head of state to argue that Raphael was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle during a presidential debate. (The American electorate took this as a comforting sign that he was not a member of the 'liberal elite,' and re-elected him.)

7) The political equivalent of Wile E. Coyote:
ie-despite having unlimited access to Acme giant magnets, sling shots, rockets and vanishing cream, somehow managed to:
a) Be too stoned to hit the bottle when asked for a urine sample, requisite to getting flight status in the Alabama Air National Guard.

b) Go broke in the oil business in Texas in the middle of an oil boon.

c) Not realize that Osama bin Laden was about to attack the United States after being handed an intelligence bulletin entitled "Bin Laden about to attack the United States" two weeks before Bin Laden attacked the United States.

d) Invade Iraq in an attempt to capture a flea-bitten rat scrotum who was actually living in Afghanistan at the time. (Although, the confusion in geography was clearly President Clinton's fault for getting spooge all over the official White House Atlas.)

e) Whip the American public into a xenophobic frenzy against Arabs as an election issue, then sell American ports to Arabs in an election year, then claim he didn't know what he did, but that he was going to defend to the death what he didn't know he did. (see: clusterfuck.)

f) Appoint his Harvard room mate Jim Ignitowski to be head of FEMA, despite having bunrt out most of his brain cells with LSD during the 60s.

g) Nominate a candidate for the Supreme Court who's only obvious qualification for the job was that she was an expert in pulling his metaphorical ding-a-ling.

h) Constantly shoot his fellow Republicans in the foot. (A variation of the tactic commonly employed by VP Dick Cheney to raise party funds.)

8) A generally good natured and nice guy whom you would like to be leader of your kids in summer camp, but not necessarily leader of the free world in the new millennium.

“Is George Bush in town for one of those faux town hall meetings, or did somebody just let that gang of circus midgets out of the drunk tank early?”

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Robert Bork

n. (Robert Heron Bork. B. 1927-)
1) Former hatchet man and acting Attourney General for President Richard Nixon.
2) Unsuccessful supreme court nominee. (See Ronald Reagan.)
3) The crunchy-looking dude on the quaker oats box.
4) Law professor, author, and famous inventor of Kentucky fried chicken.

v. (to bork. Borked)
1) v. to bork: to destroy a judicial nominee through a concerted attack on his character, background and philosophy.
2) to slander one’s character. (see swiftboat, swiftboat veterans for truth.)
3) v. bork (vulgar): a slang term for sexual intercourse.
4) pp. borked: see fucked, butfucked, royally fucked, screwed, blued and tattooed.

n. Bork
1) A mixture of beef and pork. (preferably eaten with a spork.)
2) (slang): a man's penis. (Syn. pork sword)
3) A malicious Icelandic EMO singer with a propensity for punching out reporters at airports. (See bjork)
4) One of the four most popular flavors of Ramen Noodles, along with beef, chicken, and pork.

"I can't believe my boss totally borked me with that bad reference letter!"

"Do you think we can get Robert Bork to play 'Frankie' in the new remake of 'Beach Blanket Bingo?'"

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