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Random
When you can't get your lizard to stand up.
He never had a reptile dysfunction until he reached 70.
112👍 29👎
DELTA
Didn't Even Leave The Airport.
"Hey, I thought you were going to New York?"
"No, my flight was on Delta aka delta (airlines)."
38👍 21👎
Numagiw
Never Underestimate the Mediaâs Ability to Get It Wrong
Do they ever even try to get it right? Time after time the media reports things that just arenât true. After 9-11 they reported nearly 6,000 dead. The terrorists killed about 3,000 and the media counted each person twice. What about the bombs on the GW bridge? And just about any breaking news is usually reported with inaccurate âfactsâ the first few times they report on it. Would anyone accept that from any other institution?
But thatâs okay according to âthe mediaâ because itâs more important to get the news out fast. WTF?
âSorry, Teacher. I know I got every answer on the test wrong. But I got it done faster than anyone else in class. So, I should still get an A!â
âSorry Mr. Smith. We changed your tires instead of fixing the problem with your breaks and you got into an accident and killed three people. But look it this way, we got your car back to ya faster than any other shop would have.â
"The news said that Bush knew about 9-11 before it happened."
"Numagiw."
18👍 20👎
State of the union where the people and the speed limits are all five miles an hour slower than the rest of the country.
I was making good time until I hit Oregon.
120👍 199👎
A moribund metaphor meaning "out of control in love." But, think about it. Aren't you head over heels every day? Shouldn't it be "heels over head in love"?
"Ah, she was nothing special. I'm only head over heels for Angelina. But I'm heels over head in love with Sandra."
817👍 374👎
To flip someone off by scratching your cheek with your middle finger. You do this so that you can flip someone off and still pretend to be above that sort of thing.
I thought he was different until he Obamafingered her on the stage . . . in front of everyone . . . and everyone knew what he was doing . . . and they'll still vote for him.
73👍 39👎
The Messiah for brain-dead Democrats.
No matter what he says, no matter what he does, they'll worship the great Obama.
45538👍 24649👎