America

America is probably the worst country in the world. Not surprisingly, 50% of its occupants also think it sucks ass. Think about it - can you name a country in the world in which at least half of its citizens think it sucks? Nope. Even Somalians love their country more than Americans do.

Boy, I hate living in America, don't you?

Yep. I shore do, buckwheat. I shore do.

Wanna go start a pointless war to distract our fellow citizens from reality?

Good idea. See you there. Bring your child raping kit and some grenades.

Ok.

183👍 194👎

ghetto pirate ship

A metaphorical reference to the entire workings of a gang. As gangs are generally groups of people involved in illegal activities designed to procure money and power, the term "ghetto pirate ship" refers to the entirety of the gang.

The term is often used by gang leaders who want to appear to be intelligent and have a grasp of literature or the outside world. By using the term, gang leaders inspire their "less worldly" troops by inciting imagery of swashbuckling bandits who scour the high seas for gold.

Due to the high level of violence and lack of dental care in the ghetto, many gang members wear eye patches and have gold teeth, which makes them similar to pirates in many ways.

Enter Mambo (leader of the gang):

-Mambo appears before a group of gang members who are paying their final respects to their homie, Cheeto, who got fucked up by a crackhead robbing the liquor store-

I have gathered you all here today on this motherfucking somber occasion to pour a forty on the curb for our brothah in arms, Cheeto.

Everyone raise yo' forty. To Cheeto! He lived as he died - a member of our motherfucking ghetto pirate ship.

(cheers arise, the smell of fried chicken fills the air)

Now, let's lay this motherfucker to rest and have some BBQ. And Tre, keep yo' motherfucking filthy hands out of Cheeto's mouth. Those gold fillings are mine. You hear me, motherfucker?

28👍 10👎

Poonis

What you get after fucking a guy in the ass when he hasn't taken a dump in a few days. A Penis covered in Poo.

Grandpa (in a pirate voice): arrrrrgggg, Billy. Me matey. Shiver me anus!

Billy: first mate reporting for duty!

Grandpa: 'tis a fine instrument you got there, Billy. All hands on the poop deck.

Billy: oh Gramps. Here it comes...

Grandpa: garrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. That's the stuff.

10 minutes later:

Billy: awwwwww - sick. Grandpa, I have a Poonis.

Grandpa: yarrrr. Gross. Time for a colostomy bag...

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Prime Mover

All systems of gang governance are now controlled by old white men who reside in sinister-looking high-rises that overlook cities.

No matter how powerful a gang, the leader ALWAYS has to answer to an old white guy in a tower. The old white guy is the Prime Mover of the entire urban gang warfare in any given city. He always has an intimidating entourage of other giant white guys who are trained to ignore emasculating insults that come from black gang leaders who report once a month.

If the old white man needs an assassination performed, his entourage will gladly take on the task and have a preconceived "catch phrase" to mutter when they kill.

Even though there are powerful street warlords, all of them are aware of where the money-making machinery is being driven - it is always in those dark, sinister towers in which the old white men reside.

Did you pay your dues to the Prime Mover?

Yeah, that motherfucker is some scary shit. But I insulted his goons. I'm tough.

28👍 5👎

Burlap Sack Condom

When you wanna bang some slut and can't find a condom. So you run up the stairs to the living room and ask your grandma to knit you some protection. She doesn't know what the hell you're talking about, so you run out to the garage and dump all the potatoes out of the burlap sack that your Grandpa keeps out there.

You grab some scissors and cut out a funnel-shaped piece and rush back down to the basement where the slut is already waiting for you.

You wrap the Burlap Sack piece around your Johnson and start moving towards her.

She freaks out and wakes up your whole household. The next weekend you're moving into your own apartment and figuring out how to get a job.

Conversation Held in the basement:

You: "Alright baby, I got a condom. Let's get busy!"
Her: "Lando, how about little fucking romance you piece of shit? Ain't you never been laid before?
You: "Yeah, but you're really hot and...
Her: "Wait wait wait! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?"
You: "Nothing. Alright, you want some roman-"
Her: "Seriously, what the fuck is that thing? Let's see that shit. What the fuck? What is that wrapped around your dick?
You: "Nothing."
Her: "Bullshit."
You: "ok, it's a condom."
Her: "It is not, what is it?"
You: "Fine, it's a piece of burlap sack condom - listen, it's the best I could-
Her: "You crazy nigger. Do you really think that you're gonna stick that fucking potatoey-smelling, nigga-brand nappy head motha-fucking shit storm in my fucking snatch? THAT'S IT LANDO! YOU TAKE YOUR STARWARS CLOUD CITY MOTHER FUCKING SELF AND GET THE FUCK OFF ME. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Grandma: "Chile? Wha-whas go'n on down thah? Is you trying to fuck one of them sluts down there again? Charlie? Get yo' good fo' nothing self down heah' and see what yo' lazy-assed grandson is trying to do to the ho down in our house"
Grandpa: "That's it, Lando. I've had enough of this. First you're running around snortin' cocaine and hittin the neighbours with lightsabers, and now this. OUt with ya. I want you out by morning!"

267👍 83👎

mutton cunt

When a girl's vagina tastes a little funny. Sometimes the "mutton-esque" flavour comes on as the result of middle age.

When you eat out the snatch of an 18-year old girl, it tastes quite a bit like lamb chops.

But when you eat out some dirty old cougar, it tastes kinda wonky. A mutton cunt!

BAAAAAAA!

58👍 35👎

Shitesticles

When a big fat guy steps on your belly and ruptures your intestines. The poop squishes down into you scrotum causing your testicles to get all shitty.

Ah, dude. That guy caused Billy to get shitesticles.

33👍 23👎