Arse Garnish

When your arse crack looks like an unused flowerbed after taking a dump

My girlfriend didn't wipe her arse properly after a good crap. She had enough arse garnish to make Alan Titchmarshs' garden grow.

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icy bum

the rejection you get when attempting to infiltrate the arse crack of your honey.

just tried to pull off a sly insertion into my girlfriends clag hole but she clamped up and gave me the icy bum treatment.